


Forget Me Not

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-06-05
Updated: 2004-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-30 11:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15095873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: CJ deals with her father's struggle with Alzheimers whilst news of her relationship with Toby gets out.





	Forget Me Not

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

> **Forget me Not**
> 
> **by:** LauraH2215
> 
> **Character(s):** Toby, CJ, Josh, Donna, Leo, President, Abbey, Tal, Hogan, CJ's brothers etc.  
>  **Pairing(s):** CJ/Toby  
>  **Category(s):** Romance, angst,friendship, hurt/comfort  
>  **Rating:** TEEN  
>  **Disclaimer:** All disclaimers apply, I am obviously not a West Wing writer and therefore do not reserve any rights and all that.  
>  **Summary:** Sequel to "One Memorable Day" (Part 3 of 4 in my series).  CJ deals with her father's struggle with Alzheimers whilst news of her relationship with Toby gets out.  
>  Feedback: All comments welcome, just write me an e-mail.  
>  **Author's Note:** Pretty emotional at times. Content mainly suitable. Rated A for for hard to handle subject matter.   
>  **Soundtrack:** Neil Diamond's "Story of My Life" and Sarah MacLaughlan's "I Will Remember You". 
> 
>   
>  Part 1Josh appears at CJ's office door on the following Monday morning after the State Dinner.CJ looks up from her reading material and notices Josh. "Hey, what's up?"Josh sighs. "I, uh, wanted to apologize for Saturday morning."CJ smiles at the memory of only 48 hours ago. The next morning after the night she and Toby had made love was a pleasant and even humorous one for CJ. Instead of being able to peacefully wake up entwined in each other, CJ and Toby had been quickly awoken by a rapid knocking on her bed room door...."CJ, CJ, you in there?" A voice calls from the other side of the door.CJ groans, not recognizing the voice.Josh gives up knocking and just opens the door. When he walks into CJ's room he is absolutely shocked to see an apparently nude CJ curled up in the arms of a nude Toby. Josh literally screams and covers his eyes with his hand.At this point, both CJ and Toby have awaken and turned to look at the door. CJ pulls the sheets higher up over herself and Toby."What the hell are you doing here?" Toby asks Josh, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.Josh is facing the door, deliberately not looking at the couple. "I, I, I came to see if CJ was here. She, uh, you, uh, didn't show up this morning and there was no answer when Carol called here several times. " Josh attempts to explain the awkward situation.CJ laughs, sitting up in bed. "We were sleeping, Josh. We must not have heard the phone ring. Sorry. Hey, what time is it, anyway?" CJ glances at her nightstand and the alarm clock sitting on it: 12.30. " Shit!" CJ exclaims. "Looks like our fun is over." She says, smiling at Toby to comfort him in his state of embarrassment.Toby looks at Josh who is looking ridiculous facing the door." Josh, you can turn around and talk to us like human beings.""Yeah, Josh. We're completely covered." CJ smiles, widely, thinking that the whole situation was more humorous than embarrassing.Josh slowly turns around and uncovers his eyes." So, nice night? Sorry I spoiled the ending." He seemed genuinely apologetic.CJ shrugs. "No big deal. But, we really have to get to work now."Josh nods, looking from CJ to Toby, just trying to comprehend exactly what he saw. In the brief second he had seen them, they had appeared very relaxed and comfortable-very intimate. Not something he would have imagined. In fact, seeing them together at all was not how he had anticipated starting his day." So, is anyone going to explain why the two of you are in bed together? Or, more importantly, why you're obviously keeping whatever kind of relationship you have a secret from all of us?"CJ looks at Toby, no amusement in her eyes this time."We, uh, we're...together, now. That is, I,I love CJ. We're, uh..." Toby smiles at CJ and notices the sleep-induced blush on her cheeks. He was temporarily distracted as the memories of the previous night came flashing through his brain. He took CJ's hands in his. "We're in love."Josh pinches the flesh of skin on the bridge of his nose. "Man, I should have taken that coffee this morning."CJ begins, slowly. " The truth is that this is new for both of us and we'd appreciate as much privacy as possible.""Yes, so please, no word of this to anyone." Toby says calmly.Josh rolls his eyes and smiles. "Yeah, because I'm really going to go back to the West Wing and tell everybody that I walked in on Toby and CJ sleeping together."CJ sighs, softly. " I'm sorry, Josh. I know you must have a lot of questions and..."Josh interrupts her. "It's, it's fine. Look, uh, I better get back. No need to go to Toby's apartment now. I'll, uh, see you at the office."CJ lets out a small breath. " Thanks for looking out for me, Josh."Josh shrugs, placing his hand on the door knob. " No problem. I didn't want Leo to be pissed at you guys for being late. Anyway, sorry for walking in on you. At least now I know why you guys rushed home so early last night." He winks and goes to leave."Wait, Josh, how did you get in here, anyway?" Toby suddenly wonders."CJ's landlord remembered me from another time I was over here and let me in." Josh explains, quickly.And that was how it happened. How the first person found out about their relationship. After Josh left, Toby and CJ didn't lie around cuddling like they would have liked to. They got up and went to work. But there was one thing that CJ just couldn't get out of her head for the remainder of the day: Toby had told her he loved her. She had wanted to discuss it, maybe even convince him that he needed to think more about how he really felt about her before coming to that conclusion. She knew what they had together was irreplaceable, and that after last night there was no way she could live without him, but it was just too early to be talking about love. Maybe things had never been casual for them. Maybe they were destined to have been deprived for all the previous years and then suddenly receive everything they had ever wanted-Each other. She knew they both knew this wasn't casual, but was it love?
> 
> * * *
> 
> "CJ." Josh's voice brought CJ back from reminiscing.
> 
> She shakes her head, snapping out of the daze. "Yes?""I said I apologize." Josh looks at her, expectantly."Oh, uh, yeah. Okay, thanks, Josh. But it's alright. No harm done.""Speak for yourself. Now I've got this image of you and Toby together imprinted permanently." Josh half snorts."Josh, I'm sorry, but it was an accident. Can we please just drop it?" CJ didn't think this was so amusing anymore.Josh sighs. " Okay, sorry. I better get back, anyway. Donna's taking pleasure in teasing Toby about Team US hockey losing this weekend. It's kind of amusing, actually. Toby gets all pissed and Donna starts to sing Paul Brandt's `Team Canada Song' . You should come watch."CJ looks up and rolls her eyes. " I swear, sometimes I wonder if we're really leading a country here"Josh shrugs. " It's all in fun, CJ. I think Toby thinks it's funny ,too.""Well, if you come between Toby and his sports." She smiles. " Never mind, get out of here. I`ve got a Press gaggle in ten minutes."Josh smiles and leaves.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby walks up to Donna in her "office.", later that day. " Is Josh back, yet?" He asks emotionlessly. 
> 
> Donna smiles, picking up a couple of folders from a near by surface. She starts to sing the words to Team Canada Song ,out of tune and monotone. "Strong and free, led by our fearless hero Gretzsky. He should be the Prime Minister if you ask me. Oh, thank you Team Canada.."Toby glares. " Donna..." He says strictly. "If you don't stop singing that God forsaken song..."Donna continues, not looking at Toby. " He shoots he scores and all of Canada roars from the warmth of our igloos." She brushes past Toby and walks into Josh's office, Toby on her trail."Donna! It was two years ago, for Goodness' sake. You can stop rubbing it in. I know Canada beat us in hockey at the Olympics." Toby's getting frustrated.Donna smiles as she sets something on Josh's desk while continuing her obnoxious singing. " Sorry, eh? We put the hurt on you Team USA. And showed the whole world that it's still our game. Oh, three cheers for Team Canada. You slide, you glide. Skate over any line, red or white or blue." She exits Josh's office.Toby follows, he looks expectantly at the random people passing by in the hallway. " This is the Whitehouse, will somebody get me a large gun of some kind?" He calls to no one in particular.Donna enters her office and peacefully goes back to her previous work. "And what makes it nice is that we did it twice, `cause our women beat you tooooo!" She sings loudly as Toby storms off. She smiles, thinking how wonderful it is that she worked with the people she did.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby walks into CJ's office later that night. He sighs, drops his briefcase on the floor and rests in the doorframe. " Hey," He smiles widely, watching the women he loves setting down the phone after what must have been a stressful call.
> 
> CJ sighs dramatically and sits down in her chair. " Hey, what you up to?" She goes right back to checking something on her computer."Well, it's 6.30, I was thinking about heading out of here. Naturally, I assumed you'd join me."CJ looks at Toby. " I don't know if we should be leaving together every night. People are starting to catch on."Toby shrugs. " We told them you were staying with me until you found a new place. No one knows anything different except Josh, and he's been away at meetings all day. ""I just don't know, Toby. I honestly think people are starting to wonder. Anyway, heard you and Donna were having a bit of a tiff this morning." She smiles widely.Toby rolls his eyes as he walks to CJ`s desk. " She's teasing me because my team lost this weekend. She's been constantly reminding me of the little incident that happened at the Olympics. All in all, I think for Donna's next birthday we should all pitch in and get her voice lessons. She needs them. Either that or something to permanently keep her mouth shut." Toby acted dry, but CJ smiled. He wasn't really being mean.CJ laughs. " I'm sure it was all in fun. Sometimes we need a few jokes around here, just as long as it doesn't interfere with productivity. And speaking of birthdays, you still haven't given me any suggestions for yours.""She had to pick on me. Me? Josh likes hockey. Leo likes hockey. That guy that guards the Oval office likes hockey. Hell, the President likes hockey. Why me?" Apparently Toby was thinking about their previous conversation topic.CJ rolls her eyes. " Toby, give it up. She was just having a little fun. You know things have been a little edgy since last weekend, she's probably just as upset as we are."Toby shakes his head, coming out of a daze. " Yeah, you're right. Anyway, you ready to go home, now?"CJ nods, thinking how nice it was to hear Toby refer to his place as home. Not that he meant that it was her home too, just that it was nice. She knew it would be hard when she finally did find a place and she wouldn't have an excuse to go home with him. " Yeah, I guess we haven't had much time along since Friday night, save for moving some of my stuff to your apartment."Toby nods. " Well, maybe tonight will be different. You want to go out for dinner?"CJ stands and he can see a displeasured look on her. " Oh, Toby, not tonight. I'm just too tied. Can we just go home and find something to eat?""Yeah, I guess. I just really wanted us to go out on a real date." Toby says honestly."What, the State Dinner was a real date. Anyway, I don't know if we should be dating publicly yet. Maybe eventually, but not now." CJ stands up, gathering her stuff. " It could be kinda fun sneaking around, don't you think?"Toby shakes his head, leading CJ out of the office. " No, I want to be able to take you out and indulge you without having to worry about other people."CJ turns around and smiles warmly. " We'll be able to do that one day, I promise. Now, let's go home and enjoy an indulgent night together."
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 2
> 
> About two hours later, Toby and CJ are back at his apartment, done dinner and relaxing on the couch. CJ has opted for wearing her own pajamas and they're sitting watching t.v . CJ picks the converter off the coffee table and shuts the t.v off.Toby turns to her. " What'd you do that for?"CJ smiles coyly before proceeding to climb on top of Toby. She cups the sides of his face before drawing him into her. Toby lies back and pulls CJ with him, continuing to pick up the pace.Only a few seconds into their kiss, the phone rings .Toby pulls his lips away from CJ's. "Shit."A little out of breath, CJ shrugs and leans back into Toby. " Let the machine get it." She concludes as they continue to make out.But the sound of the ringing was distracting, and as soon as CJ recognizes the sound of the strained voice attempting to leave a message, she jumps away from Toby and picks up the phone.Toby groans, letting his arms fall back to his side. He watches CJ carefully as she answers the phone.CJ sits back on the couch. " Yes, daddy, it's me... Yes, I'm here, this is Claudia... I know, I know....Yes, this is not my home number... I know that... Daddy..." She turns to look at Toby. " I'm staying at a friend's, daddy... Yes, I told you that. I called you yesterday and gave you this this number to reach me at... Yes, it was very good of you to remember to call it." She smiles, turning to Toby.Toby looks at CJ. He knew that she wanted to be able to be with her father so much. The first thing she had done when she moved in with him was call her father to give him his number. She hadn't wanted her father to worry about her if she didn't answer the phone at her apartment. He watches as her face drops, and wonders what's wrong."Yes... I know, daddy. I miss you, too."Toby can see a tiny tear forming in her right eye. Another thing he knew was that she had a real soft spot for her elderly father. He wants to reach out and hold her, but he simply takes her hand. She doesn't appear to notice.CJ continues, listening carefully to her father's strained voice. " Daddy, I can't just come see you any time I want to. I, I have to work.... I work at the Whitehouse, daddy, you know that.... No, I have to work weekends, too.... I know you think that's wrong to do...Well, why don't you get the nurse to do that for you?...No, daddy, she isn't stealing your underwear... Daddy, if you need somebody there now, why don't you call Donnie?... Yes, maybe he'll come... I know you want me to come, but I can't right now... Yes, maybe soon.... I know, daddy. I miss you, too." She felt like a broken record. She had this same conversation with her father a dozen times. She was too far way, he'd say. " Okay, daddy... Good night. Sweet dreams.... I love you, too. Bye for now."CJ takes a second to set the phone down. She's solemn and silent.When she leans back into the couch after setting the receiver down, Toby gathers her into his arms. CJ's expression hasn't changed. Every so often a tear would fall, leaving a slick trail down her cheek."You okay?" Toby asks, brushing a lock of hair away from her face.CJ nods, sighs, and collects herself, moving out of Toby's embrace. " He, he just wants me there. He's lonely. I told him to call my brother, Donnie, but they're just not as close. He wants me to come see him, soon." To her, it seemed futile. After everything that had been going on, how could she ever fit a trip to Ohio on her agenda?"Well, why don't we take a trip to Ohio this weekend?" Toby asks, thinking that it was simple. If she wanted to see her father, which he knew she did, why couldn't she just take some time off work?CJ looks at Toby like he's crazy. " You want us to go to Ohio?"Toby shrugs. " Sure, why not? We could make a weekend out of it."CJ shakes her head. " Toby, it just won't work. I've taken enough time off work, lately. Plus, I don't think I'm exactly on Leo's list of fabulous employees right now.""To hell with him. CJ..." Toby begins"No, Toby. Look, I'll, uh, think of something." CJ stands up and starts to head toward the bedroom."Where are you going?" Toby asks, following her and knowing exactly where she was headed.CJ turns around. " I'm sorry, Toby, but suddenly I don't feel like having a romantic night, now." She enters the dark bedroom and climbs into Toby's bed, savouring the familiarity. She pulls the dark green sheets up to her neck and closes her eyes.Toby crawls in beside her on the other opposite side of the bed. He bends down to kiss her cheek and rest his hand gently against her face.CJ curls into the softness of Toby's sweater. She buries her head in his chest and wraps her arms around his midsection."Don't worry, baby. We're going to sort this out. We'll find a way to put both you and your father's minds at ease." Toby soothes, rubbing his hands up and down her back.CJ opens her eyes. " I can never really be at ease. Not when he's so far away, sick and lonely. I know we've sort of drifted away over the years, but he's always been the one constant in my life. Now, now it's like I don't even know him anymore-he doesn't even know me. A couple of weeks ago he was going on and on asking me where my mother had gone. He honestly thought my mother was still alive. And, and, Toby, it was so hard. It was so hard to explain. It was like I was telling him for the first time. That's the worst thing about Alzheimers, it destroys person's personality, they're ability to remember and rationalize. I sometimes feel like I'm his parent." CJ hadn't stopped holding onto Toby.Toby ran his fingers through he dark hair. " I know, I know." He begins to pull loose and sit up. " I'm going to go clean up the kitchen and come right back. Why don't you get ready for bed?"CJ nods and stares at the bed. Toby places his hands on the side of CJ's face and kisses her forehead. " We'll think of something, I promise. It won't always feel this way."CJ sighs. " Yeah, I'm fine, anyway. You need any help?"Toby shakes his head, climbing off the bed. " No, you just get ready. I'll come in in a minute."I have to do something, Toby thinks to himself. This affects her more than she'd ever let on. Just, what can I do?
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 3 
> 
> "I'm sorry, Toby, what were you saying?" Leo asks, obviously uninterested as he leafs through some files on his desk.Toby kind of paces the room. " I said that I was wondering if it would be possible for CJ and I to have this coming weekend off." He stops in front of Leo's desk.Leo stops what he's doing and stares Toby directly in the eyes. " You've got to be kidding me."Toby takes in a deep breath, looking the Chief of Staff back in the eyes. " Unfortunately, no.""Toby, you can not seriously be asking me to give you yet another break." Leo apparently thought he was joking, because he forgets about Toby and goes back to his work.It was the next morning, and Toby had come to Leo's office for one purpose."It's not for me, Leo. It's for CJ. You see, her father is sick and stuck in a nursing home in Ohio. It's been months since she's seen him and she misses him greatly."When Leo comes back to look at Toby, Toby continues." She, she got a phone call from her father last night. He really wanted to see her, and had to tell him that she couldn't see him right now. I, I thought maybe it'd be nice for her to take a couple days and go see him. She cares for him so much and I think she's really upset over not being close to him." Toby was being open and honest. He also didn't want it to appear like he had a relationship other than casual with her. There weren't many times when they came to see Leo about anything personal, but Toby hoped he'd have some compassion. CJ needed this, and it was worth confronting Leo about.Leo sighs, sitting down in his chair. " She really wants this, does she?"Toby nods. " Yes.""Okay, then why do you want the weekend off?" Leo asks, snapping out of the shock that he had temporarily (but not noticeably) been in when Toby had talked about CJ and her father.Toby takes another deep breath. " I, I thought I'd go with her. You know, so she isn't driving up there alone." He rests his hand on the edge of Leo's desk."Well, that's very kind of you, but I don't think so. We're over stressed and under staffed as it is, we need you guys. CJ will have to wait until it's a little more convenient.""He may be dead by then." Toby raises his voice. "Look, Leo, you, you didn't see the look in her eyes last night. He's very sick, and he wants his daughter. I'm sure if it were you, you'd want Mallory to visit you." Toby makes it more personal by putting Leo's daughter in CJ's position.Leo is silent. Eventually he nods his head. "Fine, you can go. But there better not be one impending task sitting on either of your desks Thursday evening or you're staying here. Get all the work you have done by Thursday, and you can go."Toby almost smiles. " Okay, great, thanks."CJ walks into Leo's office, reading something in a folder she's carrying. She doesn't look up or take her eyes off the paper. Leo and Toby look at her expectantly."Can I help you?" Leo asks, wondering what had CJ in a daze.CJ looks up from the folder as if she hadn't realized they were there. " Oh, uh, yeah. Here's that memo on the new treaty for you to look over." CJ composes herself and walks over to hand it to Leo.Leo takes the folder and nods. "Alright, thanks. Oh, and you have my permission to take a little vacation this weekend." He begins to read the memo.CJ stares. " I beg your pardon?"Toby steps to CJ and takes her arm. " Uh, come on, I need you for a sec'. See you later, Leo."Leo merely nods, not looking up from the interesting memo.Toby leads a confused CJ out of Leo's office."What was he talking about, a vacation?" CJ asks when they're safely out of Margaret's ear shot.Toby lets go of CJ's arms. " I, uh, I asked Leo if we could have the weekend off to go visit your father. So, we don't have to come in Friday or Saturday."Oh, please tell me you didn't. Oh, Toby, why did you do that? I told you it couldn't happen." CJ exhales and physically shrinks."But, it did happen." Toby defends. " I thought you'd be happy. You get to see your father."CJ shakes her head. " But, I really didn't want to ask Leo for another favour. Did, did you say we were both going?" CJ begins to head back to her office."Yeah.""Why are you going?" CJ asks as they turn a corner." I thought I'd enjoy a weekend off. Plus, I didn't want to be without you for three days." Toby smiles warmly, something CJ was growing way too fond of. The reason Toby gave was not why he wanted to go. He just didn't want CJ to be alone. He knew that seeing her father would evoke some new emotions in her, and he wanted to be there to comfort her. Plus, it was probably a good idea to get on her father's good side, anyway, considering they were now a couple.CJ turns around to quickly look at Toby before she silently sighs. " I just don't know, Toby. I don't think we should be asking for this time off.""Well, it's done now. " Toby offers.They approach CJ's office and she grabs a folder from Carol on the way in. CJ walks behind her desk and slumps into her chair. "Okay, well, if we're going to do this, I better get working."" Yeah, and Josh and I have to meet with one of the California senators, I've just forgotten his name. Hey, do you know we've dropped six percent since the President's heart attack?"CJ puts on her glasses and picks up a pen. " Yeah, I know. The people don't like the idea of him running the country from the Residence, under all that medication." CJ sighs like she's heard it a hundred times. She begins to read something from the folder Carol handed her."Well, he's still doing fine. He'll be back in the office, soon. Meanwhile, we're handling it. Anyway, I better get going because after the meeting I've got to interview this new guy for Deputy Communications Director."CJ nods and looks up from her reading. " Okay. And Toby, I appreciate your thoughtfulness in getting me Friday and Saturday off, but please, next time ask me first if I want the time off. Right now is not a good time for the two of us to be missing work. I know Josh won't care, but I really hate asking Leo for this time off."Toby nods. " But really, how much vacation time have you taken lately? It'll be okay for two days. We'll be back Monday.""Who's going to give the briefing?" CJ suddenly wonders.Toby shrugs. " Maybe Josh. Although, the last time he gave a briefing it didn't go over so well. Either way, don't worry about it, Friday's `Take out the trash' day."CJ smiles, shaking her head affectionately at Toby. " Okay, you really sure you want to come?""Positive." Toby smiles back. It had gone over well, and now he could say that he was finally doing something nice for CJ.Part 4"Okay, just keep in mind that he's old and the disease tends to make him forget things. So, he may repeat a lot of things." CJ was just warning Toby before he saw her father.They continued down the long hallway in the nursing home, looking for her father's room."I know. I understand it all, CJ." Toby assures her.CJ sighs and stops in front of her father's room. " I know you do. He, he just hasn't been the same since my step-mother died and we had to move him into this place. I always feel guilty, but none of us can ever see him. Donnie tries hard, but he works shift, and even though he's close, he can't always come and visit Daddy. And, well, Art's in D.C, too, so it's almost as hard for him to get here as it is for me."Toby puts an arm around CJ's shoulder. " I know, and don't feel guilty. You're here now, so let's just go in."CJ tries the door and is surprised to see it open. She steps inside and sees her father sitting on the edge of his bed, watching television. Toby follows her inside and CJ smiles.Tal Cregg turns around and his eyes light up when he sees his daughter. " Claudia, what are you doing here?" He stands up and smiles, confusedly.CJ steps more into the room to allow Toby to stand beside her. " I came to see you, Daddy. I called and told you I'd be coming, remember?" She shifts her purse on her shoulder.Tal nods, but it is obvious he is still confused. " Yes, yes, of course. Come in. It's so good to see you." He walks over and wraps his long arms around his only daughter.Toby watches the two with pride and happiness. Seeing them together reminded him of how much CJ was like her father. She had obviously gotten her height and brains from him."It's good to see you, too, Daddy. You look good." She takes his hands in hers after they break off. She smiles, noticing that for an over 70 year-old, he looked remarkably handsome, and even the disease couldn't erase the look of sophistication he wore.Tal blushes, slightly, and leads CJ away from the door. " You do too, sweetheart. You look a little tired, but not quite as stressed as I remember." He turns the t.v off.CJ rolls her eyes, slightly. "It's just been a long day.""You seem to get taller every time I see you. You can't possibly still be growing, right?" Tal asks, seemingly honest.CJ rolls her eyes. " No, Daddy, I haven't grown in about twenty-five years."Tal shrugs. " Last year at your 30th birthday your Aunt Clair said to me that one day you were going to surpass me."CJ sighs, not wanting to embarrass her father. " I'm 43, Daddy.""Oh, that's right. Your mother used to always tell me I was bad with numbers."Tal turns to look at Toby who is standing close to the door, watching CJ and her father and taking in the tiny room. Tal steps away from CJ and extends his hand to Toby. " Tal Cregg." He introduces himself in a professional manner.Toby steps forward and shakes the man's hand. "Toby Zieglar.""Oh, I know you." Tal smiles as he releases Toby's hand. " I've seen and read about you before. You do good work."Toby smiles in genuine surprise at the compliment. " Well, thank you, sir."CJ smiles at the two, glad that they were already getting along well. "So, Daddy," CJ puts her hands on her father's shoulders affectionately and guides him to sit down on the bed. " How are you feeling?"Tal shrugs. " Fine, I suppose. I just took all my medication and I was just about to sit down and watch my show before I go to bed."CJ thinks about a time where her father's day wasn't quite so planned and boring. The man sitting here beside her may not have changed much appearance wise (with the exception of his significant weight loss), but his mind was slowly being eaten away at by the disease he had been diagnosed with years ago. Ever since her father had been diagnosed with Alzheimers, it seemed that every aspect of his health was being affected. He had a bad heart, high blood pressure, diabetes and an overactive thyroid.CJ walks the few feet to sit on the couch that was seated along the wall opposite the front door. "Well, we won't keep you long, then." CJ suggests, motioning for Toby to sit on the couch beside her.Tal shrugs. " I'll be fine. So, how's work? You still at that PR place in California, right?" He reaches for his robe that was lying on the pillow on his bed and puts it on over his flannel pajamas.Even though CJ knew her father had a bad memory, she was still a little affected by his last question. "Umm, no Daddy, I was fired years ago."Tal looks at CJ and cocks his head to one side. " Really? Well, then where do you work now?"CJ looks to Toby for a second before answering her father. How was it that he could remember reading about Toby, but he couldn't remember that she worked for the President of his country. " I,I work at the Whitehouse, Daddy. I work for the President."Tal nods his head. " Right. President Bush?"CJ takes a deep breath after glancing at Toby. " No, Daddy, Bush has been out office for many years. I work for the current President, President Bartlet.""Right, right, of course. He's a good man." Tal states with conviction.CJ sighs and leans into the old couch. Toby shifts uncomfortably. " Uh, may I use your restroom?""Yes, it's the only other door in this room." He points over his shoulder to the bathroom door.Toby excuses himself and heads to the bathroom.Once he hears the door shut, Tal asks CJ a question. " So, you work with this Toby guy?"CJ nods, finding it difficult to deal with her father's absentmindedness. She just wished he could be back to normal. She hated this. It was always so difficult. She had assumed that seeing her would help his memory and bring him more back to the present, but it hadn't.Tal looks carefully at his daughter. " Why'd you bring him?"CJ looks up from staring at the beige couch. She had always hated her father's bland taste in future. Even though his room looked comfortable and lived it, it also looked too clean and organized. " For the company, I guess." CJ offers him. Truth be told, she didn't even know why she had let Toby come along. Maybe she just needed the support to deal with seeing her father again."Have you seen my slippers? I think that damn nurse stole them." Tal suddenly says.CJ shakes her head, affectionately, remembering that this was still her father and that he loved her very much. " No, Daddy, I haven't. And, I don't think the nurses here  
> have stolen anything from you. This is a very reputable facility.""According to you. I hate this place."CJ notices that her father wasn't lying-he was completely serious. "Daddy..."Tal shakes his head. "Never mind me. What's your relationship with Toby?""Excuse me?" CJ whispers."Your relationship. He your boyfriend?" Tal asks.CJ considers how to answer this question. " Sort of." She knew she was being vague, but no matter how old she was, he was still her overprotective father.Tal pauses a moment. "Is he good to you?"CJ has to smile at the embarrassed look on her father's face. " Yes, he is.""Are you going to get married?""I beg your pardon?" CJ's eyes shoot up. He had just re-met Toby, why would assume they were going to get married.Tal shrugs again. " You're my little girl, I was just checking. It's my job to see that you're taken care of. I worry about you." CJ smiles warmly and moves to sit beside her father on his bed ,and wraps one arm around her father's neck. " Daddy, I'm fine, really.""So, is this one the one?" He asks, using an uncharacteristic modern phrase.CJ pauses. " I think so." She smiles, just thinking about how wonderful Toby was.Tal smiles, too, watching his daughter's eyes shine . " I can see that. So, how's his family? He Catholic?"The light in her eyes immediately goes out. " No." She says, regretfully."Christian?"CJ shakes her head."Then, what is he?" Her father asks in all seriousness.CJ moves back to her spot on the couch, delaying her response. "He's, he's Jewish." CJ didn't have a problem with their religious differences, but she knew her father would."Oh." Was all Tal could say.Just then, Toby emerges from the bathroom. " Hey, what are we talking about?" He smiles as he returns to his seat beside CJ."You." Tal says simply.Toby looks from CJ to Tal. "All good, I hope." He smiles."No." CJ whispers, looking at the couch.Toby watches her carefully until Tal interrupts his concerned thought."Are you Jewish...uh, Toby?" For a second he had forgotten Toby's name.Toby again looks from Tal to CJ, his eyes asking her whether or not he should respond honestly. She looked away from him. "Uh, yes, yes, sir.Tal bites his bottom lip. " Claudia's Catholic, ya know."Toby sits back, knowing where this was probably going. Her father was a patriotic Catholic who probably wouldn't approve of his daughter dating a Jewish man. " Yes, I am aware of that.""Do you intend to marry her some day?" Tal asks, bluntly.CJ sits up quickly. " Daddy....""It's okay." Toby places a hand gently on CJ's shoulder. " Well, sir, we haven't really discussed that thus far. Perhaps in the future me might..."Tal cuts the younger man off. " Do you intend on marrying her?" He repeats.Toby takes a deep breath and looks into CJ's eyes. He takes her hand in his and turns back to Tal. " Yes, sir, I guess I do."CJ smiles warmly back at Toby. It was the first time either of them had considered marriage. It seemed like such a far-fetched idea given their ages and the fact that they weren't even dating publicly yet."How are you going to get married? Are you willing to convert?" Tal asks.CJ silently wishes her father wasn't bringing this up. Perhaps his mind was sharp tonight.Toby looks carefully at Tal. "Well, sir, I don't feel that would be necessary. My Rabbi would gladly marry us in my church if we so choose to get married, without either of us having to convert."Tal appeared to be considering Toby's answer. " Really? But, if that didn't work out, would you be willing to convert?"" I don't believe that our religious differences ought to be problem, but in the event that they are, yes, I would become Catholic if that's what it took to be able to be with CJ."Tal seemed satisfied. He yawns and sits back against the wall his bed was parallel to.Toby and CJ just watch him. CJ looks at Toby. " Maybe we better be going." She suggests."You have a place to stay?" Tal asks as he closes his eyes."Yes, we have reservations at a hotel." CJ answers, standing up and going to sit beside her father. "Can I get you anything before we go?" She rubs her father's arm up and down.Tal smiles and opens his eyes. " Your mother?"CJ's heart aches at his sincerity. " I wish." Was all she could whisper."I miss her." Tal says, falling back into that childish neediness. " And I miss you too, honey. I want you here more often. I promise I won't grill your boyfriend anymore if you come back."CJ laughs softly, resting her head on her father's shoulder. "Okay, I'll certainly try to do whatever I can. I'll come back tomorrow morning, for sure."Tal nods then looks at Toby watching the two of them. " Son, you ever needed a woman?"Toby smiles lightly. " Every day of my life."Tal nods, satisfied with his answer. " We can't live without `em, can we?""Most certainly not." Toby replies seriously. " Especially not this one." He smiles at CJ."That's right. She's wonderful, isn't she? Spitting image of her mother, too." He winks at CJ. " You'd probably be able to fit into her wedding dress, too, honey. You're 33 years old, honey, I think it's time you started thinking about things like that."CJ sighs, sitting up, but not bothering to correct her father. It didn't matter, he wouldn't remember in the morning , anyway."Don't go yet, sweets. I've missed you. Your brothers don't visit me." Tal's back to being desperate.CJ turns back to look at her father. " I'll come back tomorrow, I promise. We've had a long drive and you need to get some sleep."Tal nods, sitting up more. " I know. Toby, I'm sorry if I was hard on you. But, this is my only daughter and I'm not going to be around much longer. I just want to know that she's taken care of.""She is, I assure you." Toby smiles.CJ stands up and turns to face her father. " I'm fine Daddy, you don't have to worry.""But I do, darling. You know, when your mother died, she told me to never take my eyes off the three of you. Guess I didn't really keep that promise." He looks remorseful."Daddy...""No matter. I know you're a big, strong girl. Sure you may have a stressful job and not enough time for your family, and I know I'm too hard on you, but I know you're okay, and I only do it because I love you." Tal stands up."I love you too, Daddy." CJ wraps her father in a tight hug. " Don't worry, I think we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other in the future. Can I do anything for you before you go to bed?"Tal shakes his head. "No, go on. Have fun. You kids play safe, now. Hey, Toby, you look after my little girl." He winks at Toby.Toby places an arm around CJ. " I will , sir. We'll see you tomorrow, then.""Take care." Tal shakes Toby's hand. Then he turns and pecks CJ on the cheek."See you in the morning, Daddy. Sleep tight." She reaches for the door handle."You, too." Tal says, holding back tears. "Bye..."Toby and CJ step into the hall. CJ lets out a loud sigh."Glad we did that?" Toby asks, reaching for her hand.CJ nods, even though she isn't sure. Seeing him again made her miss him more. How could she tell Toby that right now she was considering quitting her job to move to Ohio?
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 5 
> 
> "Hey, you okay?" Toby asks, taking his attention away from driving briefly.CJ nods, looking out her car window. Dayton Ohio was certainly not as well lit as Washington D.C is, CJ notices.Toby looks back at CJ, adjusting his hands on the wheel. " It's just, you haven' t said much since we left the nursing home.""There's nothing to say. We talked all afternoon.""Okay, I was just concerned." Toby surrenders."I'm fine, Toby. Just tired. Oh, I think this is the street we're looking for." CJ points out her window.Toby nods, easing them into a different lane so they could turn. " Was it good to see your father? He hasn't changed much since I last saw him before the campaign started."CJ shrugs. " He's actually changed a lot. Sometimes it's hard to think of him as the man who raised me. I can still see him as the father I knew when I was like five. The one whose lap I always crawled into when I was sick, or scared, or hurt. But it's hard to picture him as the man who drove me to all those leadership camps and Young Democrats meetings. The one who would prep me before an exam.... I don't know. He's changed."Toby once again glances at her. She's staring out the passenger window again. "Maybe so, but he loves you so much. I could tell that much."CJ turns to Toby and smiles lightly. " Yeah. I'm sorry he was so hard on you.""No harm done.""But, he was being totally out of line, and I have no idea where he got it from. He mentioned stuff we've never even considered." CJ watches as Toby finds them a parking place at the hotel."Like...marriage?" Toby asks, reaching into the back seat and grabbing their bags.CJ can't look him in the eye when he resurfaces. " Yeah." She merely says, reaching for the door handle and jumping out of the car.Toby has to skip to catch up to her. "Hey, CJ, wait up. Have, haven't you ever thought about us getting married? " He asks as he falls into line with her.CJ doesn't stop walking. " Well, not exactly."Toby watches her carefully. "Oh." He says as he opens the Entrance door for her. It kind of hurt him to hear her say that she had never thought of marrying him. Maybe she just didn't think about the future as much as he did.They approach the Front Desk and Toby loses his train of thought as he checks them in.
> 
> * * *
> 
> As soon as they enter their room, CJ takes her suitcase to the bathroom to get changed. She didn't even bother to ask Toby how he had gotten them such an extravagant suite on such short notice. She shuts the bathroom door and locks it, slumping down onto the toilet. She feels nauseated and tired and very confused.
> 
> "CJ, you okay?" Toby knocks softly on the door. When CJ doesn't respond, he continues. " Honey, can you come out here and talk?""No," CJ calls back, beginning to compose herself and open the suitcase. " I'm getting ready for bed."So, Toby went on to put his stuff in the chest of drawers. After he finished, he sat on the bed, put CNN on and sat and waited for CJ to emerge from the bathroom.Thirty minutes later she finally steps out of the bathroom, showered and dressed.Toby turns at the sound of the door closing. "Hey, feel better?"CJ nods, coming and sitting chastely beside Toby. "Uh, Toby, I think I'm just going to go to bed now."Toby looks at her questioningly. " Okay, but don't you want to talk first?" He flicks the t.v off.CJ shakes her head. " I just want to sleep."Toby nods. "Okay, Well, come on, get into bed then." He begins to pull back the covers for her to slide under, but the scent of her perfume is flooding from the bathroom to the main room and he's already transfixed.CJ climbs in and pulls the covers up high around her. " Toby, why didn't you get us two beds?" She asks, almost feeling guilty for having asked.Toby looks puzzled. " Well, because we've been sharing the same bed for almost two weeks now, I wasn't anticipating changing."CJ looks at the comforter. " Well, I just don't know if it's right anymore. We're acting like we're a couple of lovesick teenagers. Maybe, maybe we should slow down." She hates suggesting this, but she really needed to be alone and get some personal insight as to what she was feeling right now.Toby sits back down on the edge of the bed, close to CJ's side. " Hey, we always go at your pace. But, are you okay?" He drags his finger down her forearm, wondering where she was coming from. All he wanted to do was take her into his arms and just absorb.CJ closes her eyes. " I don't know. Seeing my father again has sort of...upset me. And, I don't know what to do anymore. I think I want to move back here, so I can take care of him.""CJ," Toby exhales. " I know how much your father means to you. But, you can't just move."CJ nods, not opening her eyes to see the concerned look in Toby's eyes. " I, I think we should spend some time apart, Toby. We're not young anymore, we can't be doing this. We have our jobs and other things to think of."Toby's heart skipped a beat. It was like a verbal dagger. He needed her so much all the time, and the only time they really got together was there time at night. He couldn't lose that. It was the one thing keeping him from going mad during the day when he couldn't just pull her into his arms and kiss her. "CJ, we're not having an affair. We're in love. That's never going to change." Toby crawls in beside her, barely able to fit on the bed since she's so close to the edge. He draws her into his arms, hoping that she'll feel more secure there."I think I need to be with my father, Toby. He's not going to be around for much longer. Today reminded me of that." She still isn't opening her eyes. " He was such a good father, Toby. He always encouraged me. If I made a mistake he wouldn't yell or anything, he'd just make me own up to it and work to correct it. I wasn't a failure, in his mind, as long as I learned from my mistakes and did the best I could. He was never too macho or anything. He used to be able to curl my hair for me. The first time I ever had sex I went and told him. Since my mother wasn't around, we grew so close. But, he never let us forget her." Tears were beginning to form in CJ's eyes as the memories came flooding back, making her feel her heart beat in her ears.Toby guides her head to his chest. " It's okay, baby. We'll find a way for you to see him more often."CJ doesn't really hear Toby. She's transfixed with the sound of his beating heart. It was steady and reassuring, just like him. "My father used to say that listening to someone's heart was a good way to calm down. He said the rhythmic beating makes you feel more grounded. So, whenever I was scared or stressed, I'd crawl into his arms and just sit and listen for a while." She looks up briefly to see Toby watching her. She smiles. "And, now I do that with you."Toby runs his fingers through her damp hair. " I don't mind in the least." He whispers.CJ rests her face in Toby's chest and takes a deep breath, the fabric of his shirt reminding her off the sexy roughness of his beard. " Maybe once I get my own place I could bring him home to stay with me. That way I'd always be able to care for him."Toby shakes his head. "CJ, you work like 16 hour days. You would never have time for him. You'd come home at like nine o' clock and be too tired to care for him. I know you'd like to do that, but it's just not possible.""Then what do I do?" CJ's tone was begging and said that she was near tears. There had to be a way to keep the two things she cared about most, her job and her father. Well, and Toby...Toby sucks in a breath. " Why couldn't you look for nursing homes in the D.C area? That way he'd be close enough for you to visit frequently, and even Arthur would be able to see him more often. Do you think he'd consider moving to Washington?"CJ takes a moment to answer. " Maybe, it's a possibility. But he loves Ohio, and Donnie would never get to see him.""But it's a lot easier for Donnie to come to D.C than it is for you and Arthur to come here."CJ nods. " It would be great. If I found a place near the Whitehouse I could go have lunch with him on some of my lunch hours." She smiles, obviously relieved to have found a solution that could work.Toby smiles, too. " Exactly. Why don't we talk to him about it tomorrow?""Good. Thank you for helping me with all this." She unravels herself from Toby and lays down on her back.Toby reaches over and glides his finger down the side of her face. "You're welcome. I'm glad you're feeling better. Now, I'm just going to go brush my teeth and get ready for bed, but I'll be back in a minute."CJ yawns, realizing for the first time just how hard it is even to keep her eyes open. A whole day of riding in a car and then seeing her father again could really exhaust her. " Okay, but I can't promise I'll be awake when you come back."Toby smiles, his face hovering above hers. "Well then I'll just have to say good night now and when I get back I'll crawl in beside you and wrap my arms around you so we don't separate during the night."CJ smiles and then turns serious. " Toby, about earlier. I would never have really made you sleep on the floor. I,I like lying next to you."Toby smiles, sitting up. " Good, because I've got a sore enough back from driving and if I had to sleep on the floor there would no guarantee that I'd be able to walk tomorrow.""But, I know that if I did ask you to, you would, wouldn't you?"Toby pushes himself off the bed. " Of course." Toby bends to peck CJ on the lips. "Lie back and get some rest. I'll be back in a minute." He starts to back away from the bed.CJ nods and yawns and closes her eyes, settling in to the bed.Toby stops moving and just stares at the woman in the bed. "How did I get so lucky? I have no life if I don't have her." He whispers to himself, then turns to step into the bathroom.A few minutes later Toby comes out of the bathroom, clean and stripped down to his boxers. He walks over to the massive bed and smiles when he notices CJ is indeed already sleeping. He doesn't want to wake her, so he crawls in on the other side of the bed this time and snuggles in beside her. She's lying on her back so he can't really draw her into his arms a without waking her, but he turns to lie on his stomach so he can rest his right arm on her stomach. It was as if he had only been living for two weeks-the two weeks they had been together.The story of my life is very plain to read. It starts the day you came and ends the day you leave. The story of my life begins and ends with you. The names are still the same, the story's still the truth. I was alone. You found me waiting and made me your own. I was afraid that somehow I never could be...the man that you wanted of me. You're the story of my life, and every word is true. Each chapter sings your name. Each page begins with you. It's the story of our times and never letting go. And if I died today, I wanted you to know. Stay with me here. Share with me, care with me. Stay and be near.And when it began, I'd lie awake every night, Just knowing somewhere deep inside...that our affair just might write; The story of my life... it's very plain to read. It starts the day you came. It ends the day you leave.Part 6Toby awoke the next morning to the familiar shrill shrieking of CJ's cell phone. He rubs his eyes and has to smile. In the past two weeks he had heard that damn thing ring more times then he had heard it since she got it.When the ringing doesn't stop and CJ doesn't budge, Toby gets up and retrieves it from her suitcase beside the entertainment unit. "Hello," Toby practically groans. He didn't know why he bothered to answer it, but most of the calls CJ got were important."Hi," An unrecognizable voice says on the other line. "I think I've got the wrong number." The voice, obviously a male's, responds."That depends on who you're looking for." Toby says dryly, wanting to go back to sleeping beside CJ."Uh, CJ Cregg?" The voice says hopefully.Toby almost smiles. " Yeah, you got the right number. Can I tell her who's calling?" Suddenly Toby feels a pinge of jealousy. Who was this man call her at four am?"Yes, it's Donnie." The man replies, more confident now."Oh, you're her brother." It takes Toby a minute to come to that conclusion as he rubs his eyes. "Is this important, because she's sleeping? You know, what most people do at 4 am."The voice hesitates. " Yes, it is important. Please wake her.""Okay, she isn't going to like this." Toby brings the phone to CJ and sits on his side of the bed. He holdsthe phone to his chest and gently shakes CJ's shoulder. " Honey, your brother Donnie's on the phone. He says it's important."It takes CJ a moment to register what's going on, and another to drift back into consciousness and sit up to take the phone from Toby. " Hello?" She says groggily. It had been a while since she had talked to the younger of her two older brothers.Donnie once again sounded nervous. "Uh, hi, CJ. Sorry to wake you. I tried your home number, but there was no answer. Uh, I've got some bad news. Last, last night Dad had a heart attack."CJ's eyes shoot open and it takes her a moment to gauge her response. " What? I was just there last night.""What?" Donnie asks."I, I'm in Dayton, Donnie. I came to see Daddy yesterday. He, he was fine, then. Oh my. Is, is he alright?""Not exactly." Donnie stalls. "He's, he's real sick, CJ. The doctors think this is the last straw. I'm going to call Art and get him down here as soon as possible. Can you come to the hospital nearest the nursing home? I'm on my way there as soon as I get in touch with Art."CJ nods, but realizes her brother can't see her. She looks to Toby. " Yeah, I'm on my way. I'll see you there.""Okay. CJ? Come fast, okay?" Donnie's voice drops."I will. See you soon. Bye." CJ turns off the phone.Toby had already guessed it had something to do with her father. He reaches out and takes the phone from her as he wraps his arm around her back. " What's the matter?" He asks, softly.CJ was silent. She was simply looking around at the expensive-looking room. She noticed for the first time the door that led to what must be a small kitchenette. Her eyes drift back to the bed. " My, my father had a heart attack."Toby pulls her into his chest. " I'm, I'm so sorry. Was it bad?"CJ shrugs. " I don't know. I'm assuming yes by the way Donnie talked." She sighs and wiggles out of Toby's hold. " I'm, I'm going to go down to the hospital right away. If you want to stay or...""Not a chance. I'm coming with you. Why don't you grab a quick shower first?" Toby suggests, following CJ's lead and getting off the bed.CJ shakes her head, bringing her hand up to cup her forehead. " No, I had one last night. I'll, uh, get ready now. If you want you can grab a shower. I'll be a few minutes. But , please hurry.""Okay, I'll be ten minutes, max. Will you be ready by then?" Toby asks, already heading toward the bathroom.CJ nods, trying to remember what she had to do before she left. " Yeah, just be quick." She tries to get her mind around this. Last night her father had looked and acted better than he had in ages. He had known who she was (which lately was not common), and he even seemed to know who Toby was. He had been sharp and quick and even looked healthy. Sure just seeing him had made her sad, but he was still her father. How could this have happened?
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Hi, am I late?" Donnie rushes into the waiting room in the ER department of the hospital. He had ran when he saw CJ and another man sitting in a couple of uncomfortable chairs. He approaches them. His sister looked tired and worn.
> 
> CJ takes her emotionless eyes off the floor and looks at her brother. He still has a friendly, shining face and bit of a chubby tummy, but he looked healthy. "No. The doctors haven't been able to tell us a thing. We're still waiting." She responds.Donnie steps over and bends to give CJ a quick peck on the cheek. " How have you been?"CJ shrugs. " I'm fine. Oh, Donnie, this is my friend Toby Zieglar. Toby, this is my brother Donnie."The men shake hands."You must be the one I talked to on the phone." Donnie nods as he takes a seat opposite them."Yep. Sorry if I was a little rude. I'm just getting very used to the obnoxious sound of CJ's cell phone waking me up in the morning." Maybe that comment had been way inappropriate, Toby thinks after he says it.CJ, slightly embarrassed, goes back to staring at the floor.They are saved from the awkwardness when a doctor enters from the long hallway containing all the emergency rooms. He steps in between the small group. "Ms. Cregg?" He wonders, looking at CJ.CJ nods. "Yes, doctor. This is my brother, Donnie." She indicated Donnie.The doctor shakes their hands. " Your father had a medium grade heart attack. It wasn't minor, or massive, but somewhere in between. He's in Intensive Care right now, and he's stable. You can go see him in a little while." He takes a deep breath. " I don't think he'll be able to go home. With the combination of the attack and his current state of health, it doesn't look like he'll have much time left." He looked apologetic and sincere as he glanced at the three faces staring at him in shock and fear. " I'm sorry."" How long would you give him, `doc?" Donnie asks, after glancing at CJ.The doctor takes in a breath. " Any time.. I'm sorry. There's no definite prognosis. He could have two weeks, he could have two years."CJ rests her head in her hands. "Can we go see him, now?" She asks, not looking at him.The doctor nods. " Yes, but he's still unconscious. He may drift back, but please don't expect too much right yet."Toby doesn't take his eyes off CJ. She looked worse than she did yesterday. In fact, she looked nothing like the Press Secretary he knew and loved. She was a heartbroken little girl.CJ stands up immediately. " I just want to see him. Thank you for all your help, doctor."The doctor nods and motions for them to follow him. Toby and Donnie get up and follow CJ's lead.
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Any word from Art, yet?" CJ asks Donnie as he walks back into the room. She entwines her hands and once again turns to glance at her father beside her. She had been sitting in a rickety old chair beside her father's bed for over an hour now. Toby and Donnie had opted for leaning against the wall. Tal Cregg looked pale and sickly. His eyes were hollow and sunken and his breathing didn't sound normal. He hadn't so much as stirred since they came to him. CJ had tried talking to him numerous times, but he just wasn't coming back, yet.
> 
> Donnie, hands in pockets, shakes his head. " I think maybe Hogan may have a soccer game or something.""At 5:45 in the morning?" Toby asks dryly, sighing as he digs his shoulder blades into the wall.Donnie shrugs. " He's not answering.""Maybe he's at his new girlfriend's place." CJ says for sake of getting her attention away from her father for a moment. " Hogan mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that she was spending a night a friend's house because he had a date."Toby sighs, wishing there was more he could do. For some reason, he didn't trust the doctors here. He wanted to call the Whitehouse and ask for some qualified health professionals to come and tend to CJ's father.The room was silent for another few minutes. There wasn't much more to say. They were all just praying for a miracle.Suddenly CJ looks over to see her father swallow hard. She sits up straighter and smiles as her father slowly begins to move his face and open his eyes."Daddy," She whispers, drawing the attention of the other two men in the room. "Daddy, it's me, Claudia Jean. How are you feeling" She smiles wider when she sees her father smile at her.In a forced and ragged breath, Tal speaks. " I've been better. Very crampy, though."Donnie comes closer to the bed. " Hi, Dad. Can I get you anything?"Tal tries to shake his head, but the various wires etc. are preventing him from much movement. " I'm alright. Come closer, you two." He lifts a finger to wave them closer. It is still very hard for him to articulate. "Guess what happened to me? I just saw an angel. A real angel. She came down and spoke to me. She's going to take me to be with your mother soon."CJ and Donnie both look at each other, not knowing what to make of their father's comment."Daddy..." CJ beginsTal shakes his head. " No, no protesting, honey. This is fate. I'm finally going to get to see my only true love after almost thirty years. I know you'll miss me, but you'll be fine. You've got each other. Where's Arthur?""We've tried to get in touch with Art, but there's no answer." Donnie says, uncomfortable with his father talking about death like this."If I don't get to see him, you must tell him to give my grand daughter a kiss for me. I miss her. Why don`t you two have children, yet?" Tal appears vague and confused, staring at the ceiling now.CJ sighs, taking her father's cold wrinkly hands into hers. " We haven't met the right people, yet, Daddy. And, I don't think you're going anywhere."Tal cracks a painful smiles. " But, I have to go, baby. There's only enough room for so many of God's beautiful children on this earth. That angel told me I'll be well replaced by a new family member to come." He turns to Toby, standing at the wall and watching the scene. "Come over here, son." He orders, looking Toby directly in the eyes.CJ is confused. It wasn't like her father to talk of angels and fate like this, especially not in regards to himself.Toby stands beside CJ. " Yes, sir?"Tal glances from CJ to Toby. "You two might have a little secret to share in the near future, but I won't spoil the surprise. Now, Claudia, in the closest in my room, buried in some box, is your mother's engagement ring. She was having it resized when she...went. I haven't been able to let it go. I want you to keep it. It may come in handy one day."Now CJ is just plain scared. She had never seen her father so delusional. " Daddy, please..." He puts his hand up for silence. "Now, Donnie, you must always work hard and embrace the lord. Don't hide, never hide. And don't forget to look after your sister and your niece. They're amazing women. One day I think you'll find one just like them. It just so happens that today is Toby's lucky day."Maybe he isn't so out-of-this world, CJ thinks. He remembers Toby. But the conversation was giving her goosebumps, regardless.Donnie merely nods, his eyes wide and a little frightened.The room is silent for another moment. " I love both of you, so much. And I love Arthur and Hogan, too. Never forget that. Please always remember that. And never forget your mother. Never forget how she raised you, how proud of you she was. Never forget her quick wit and gorgeous smile. Never...forget." An unexpected tear finds its way down Tal's cheek."Oh, Daddy." CJ is near tears, herself, wrapping her arms around her father and practically lying on top of him.Tal smiles, softly. " Don't cry, baby. You'll never forget like I did. I forgot too much. Some days I couldn't even remember my own name. You'll have plenty to make you remember, and plenty to make you happy. You have your family, and the obvious love of the man next to you. You won't miss me too much."CJ is sobbing now, clutching her father and never letting him go. " Daddy, stop talking like this, please. You're frightening me."Toby places his hands on CJ's shoulder and gently pries her away, rubbing her shoulders comfortingly as he does." I don't want you to be frightened. I've had a good, long life. I was blessed in so many ways. I had a good job, women who loved me, best of all your mother, and three wonderful children. I'd say I kind of owe the world this. And like I said, there's going to be someone to take my place. I would have liked to stay and meet him or her, but this is my time to say goodbye." Despite his raspy breathing, his words were articulate and meaningful."Dad, you can't possibly be serious." Donnie asks." Yes, please, Daddy." CJ practically begs, rubbing her father's shoulder like Toby had rubbed hers.Tal  
> shakes his head, again. " This isn't something you can fight. I picked my battles, and won most of them. This is one I know I can't win, and I think it'd be much better not to even try to fight. The world owes me nothing. It's my time.""The world owes you your mind back, Daddy. The world ripped it out of you and stole it. " CJ was half crying and half screaming. She couldn't believe her father was talking like this.Toby wrapped his arms around hers, pulling her closer into him. "It's okay, it's okay." He soothes.Tal smiles. " Honey, come be a good girl and give your father a kiss. You, too, Donnie. I'm very tired, and I want to go home. I want to see your mother." There's no more amusement in his eyes. There's hollow fear and peace at the same time.Toby releases his hold on CJ and she immediately melts into her father, crying and smothering him with kisses. Donnie merely holds his fathers hand and tries to compose his sister. Closing his eyes, Tal smiles. " I love you ,guys, and I'll be watching everything you do. And I'll be watching everything my grandchild does, and all my grandchildren to come. Just, never forget. I love you. Never forget..."And CJ knew he was gone. She sobbed and sobbed and shook him and he didn't budge. " Don't just stand there!" She turns and snaps at Toby. " Get the doctor! Now!"Toby doesn't even respond, he just rushes out the door.Donnie attempts to pry his sister away from the limp form that resembled their father. " CJ, come on. I, I know this hard, but you've got to let go.""I will never let go." CJ practically screams.Toby comes back with a few doctors and they try the paddles, but nothing can bring back the lifeless body. The rest of the morning was a haze for CJ. Everybody tried to pull her away from her father. She held on until he started to grow cold, at which point the last tear escaped from her eyes and she crumpled into a ball on the floor, crying and screaming and not really thinking. The aftermath....
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 7
> 
> "Hello?""Hey, Leo." Toby almost sighs. He had figured it was time to call, check in, and inform Leo about was what was going on.Leo's voice sounded annoyed. "Toby, what's up? I can't talk long."It was apparent to Toby that Leo was distracted. "Okay, I won't take a lot of your time." Toby concedes."How are CJ and her father?" Leo asks, casually.Toby paces the small kitchenette. "Uh, not, not good. Mr. Cregg had a heart attack last night.""Oh, my God. Are you serous?" Leo asks, suddenly surprised.Toby pauses, turning the stove on. "Yeah. CJ's brother called us down to the hospital early this morning.""That's awful. Did she even get to see him?""Yeah, we visited him last night." Toby places the kettle on the stove. It's obvious that he is upset. First of all, the father of the woman he loved had just died the day after they saw him, and second of all, he had never seen the woman he loved so unglued and emotional. He was torn and finding it very hard to even talk about all this."Was he alright, then?""Yeah, he looked well enough. He seemed to be mostly with it. It's, it's just incredible how it happened. It doesn't seem fair." Toby's voice held more emotion than Leo had ever heard in it."How's CJ?" Leo asks, taking a deep breath.Toby takes a second to answer him. He sighs and looks out the kitchen door and into the bedroom to see CJ curled up in the bed. " She, she's not herself. She's completely distraught. I'm just doing my best to be there for her in any way I can.""May I speak to her?" Leo asks in an even tone."Well, she's sleeping right now. We were up early and she just collapsed when we got here. I don't really want to wake her.""That's fine, don't wake her. Tell her I'm sorry and I'll talk to her soon."Toby is still watching CJ. "Okay, uh, Leo, the funeral is probably not going to be for a couple of days...""That's fine. Don't bother to come back. Stay there as long as you need. We're doing fine here without you guys. We want you back, but we'll survive. If there's any problems we'll give you a call.""Okay. Leo, you'll talk to Josh?" Toby asks hopefully. "Yeah, no problem. Hey, Toby, give CJ my condolences and ,uh, take care of her, will ya?" Leo pauses.Toby could sense the sympathy in Leo's tone. "Yes, I will. Thanks, Leo.""No problem. I'm just taking down this number in case I need to get in touch with you. Keep in touch and take care, okay?""Yep, will do. I think CJ's starting to stir, I better go. Talk to you soon." Toby slowly hangs up the phone and makes his way into the main room-the bedroom/living room. He slowly makes his way over to the bed as CJ rolls in her sleep.Toby crawls in "his" side of the bed and sits down beside CJ. CJ slowly drifts awake and immediately turns to face Toby.Toby appraises her lovingly, taking one hand and caressing her shoulder. " Hey, why aren't you sleeping?"CJ smiles and shrugs as Toby plays with her hair. "I woke up.""How are you feeling?" Toby asks sympathetically."I'm fine. Did anyone call for me?" CJ asks, sitting up as Toby straightens up."No, not yet. But Arthur's here now. I think he's staying at Donnie's. I'm making some tea, would you like some?"CJ grimaces. " I don't know. My stomach feels a little uneasy.""Well, maybe some tea will make it feel better?" Toby suggests just as the phone rings off in the distance. "I'll get that in the kitchen. Sit tight." Toby dashes off to the kitchenette."Hello," Toby whispers into receiver as he pulls the door shut behind him and cradles the phone on his shoulder."Hello. Is this Mr. and Mrs. Ziegler's room?" A familiar voice laughs on the other line."Good afternoon, Mr. President, how are you?" Toby replies sarcastically."I'm just fine, Toby. Getting stronger and stronger every day. I heard about CJ's father. I just feel awful. May I speak with her?" Jed asks courteously."Uh, no sir, she's..."CJ's calling from the other room interrupts Toby. " Toby, is it for me?"Toby sighs. "Just a second, sir." Toby steps out into the main room. " It's the President." He almost sounded annoyed. Toby really wanted CJ to rest.CJ reaches over to the night stand and picks up the receiver. " Good morning, Mr. President."Toby hangs up the phone in the kitchen and joins CJ on the bed as she speaks with the President."Well, I'd say it's well into the afternoon there, CJ." Jed tries at humour."I'm sorry, sir, I've been sleeping most of the morning. You're right, it is the afternoon. How are you?" CJ asks politely."I'm fine. Although I'm sure you're not. I'm so sorry to hear about your father. Please accept Abbey's and I's deepest condolences. He was such a good man. I had the fortuancy of meeting him a while back, did I not?""Yes, sir, I believe you did. He was an avid supporter." CJ bites her bottom lip, finding it hard to talk about her father. How was she going to make it through these next couple of days?"That's right. Have you arranged a funeral, yet?" Jed asks in a business-like manner."We're working on it, sir. I believe my brothers are making the plans now.""Alright. Listen, CJ, if it's alright with you, I'd like to arrange an Honour Guard. He deserves that much.""Sir, I...""No, please, CJ. I'd really like to do this for him, and for you. And this isn't something I'll be doing as President, this is on Jed Bartlet's bill. It's the least I can do."CJ has to smile. " Thank you, sir. I appreciate that. A full military service?""Yes. So, please let me know when you'd like it. Abbey and I would like to be there. And CJ, I am truly sorry. I know how close the two of you were."CJ has to bite back tears. Talking about it was bad enough, but with the President being so honest and sensitive, she couldn't help but sniffle. "Yes, we were close. I'm very grateful to have you, sir. I appreciate all this."Jed's smile can be heard through the phone. " It's my pleasure. After over five years, it's about time I do something at your pleasure. Now, is Toby there with you."CJ tries to get control of the tears spilling down her cheek. "Yes, yes he is."Toby brings his forehead to rest against hers, and wipes CJ's tears away with his thumb. He smiles at her, knowing she's more moved than sad."Good." Jed states. " He'll take good care of you. You'll keep in touch and let us know what's going on?""Yes, sir. But I don't want you to feel obligated to come all the way up here."Jed pauses for a minute. "CJ, you are like a daughter to me, as I'm sure you are aware. I want to be there for my family when they're in need. I thought you knew me better than that." His voice is soft and teasing.CJ smiles, watching Toby watching her, their gazes locked. " I do, sir. Thank you for everything.""Okay then. And just bare in mind, underneath that gruff exterior, Toby really is a good man. I bet he wouldn't turn you away if you crawled into his arms. And if he does, I'll beat him with some kind of large stick." It was Jed's way of turning something that he obviously felt was serious into a bit of a joke.Her eyes never wavering from Toby's, CJ smiles. " I have no doubt you would do that, sir. But, rest assured, you'll never need to. Toby would never turn me away.""And for that I'm glad. I must go now, but I'm sure I'll be seeing you in the next couple of days. Keep us updated, please.""I will. Thank you, sir.""You're welcome. Bye for now."CJ hangs up after the President does. She breaks the contact with Toby and starts to stretch, thinking about how much her life was changing so quickly. Everything seemed to be out of control. She supposed she ought to call her brothers and tell them about the President's offer of a military funeral. For a while there she had forgotten that her father had fought in Korea. She sighs. There was so much to do."So, what was all that about?" Toby had only heard bits and pieces of the conversation from where he had sat.CJ sighs again. " The President offered to give Daddy a full military funeral at his expense."Toby smiles, surprised. " You're kidding?"CJ shakes her head. "No. I just don't know how I'm going to repay him.""I'm sure you don't need to. And anyway, you'll think of that later. Can I get you anything to eat? You haven't had anything all day." Toby rests his hands on CJ's side.CJ shakes her head. " No, I'm not hungry. I've got to call Donnie and see what's going on." She throws the covers off the bed and stands up. " I should probably go shopping for something appropriate to wear to the funeral, seeing as I hadn't anticipated that when I was packing. And I should call Leo and see how the country's doing without us, seeing as CNN doesn't quite seem to be able to fill me. Man, I hate having to ask for another day off." She was speaking quickly, trying to get control of the situation and bring her mind back to reality. Ever since she had passed out at the hospital and had to have Toby carry her back to the hotel, she had been filled with this sense of lack of sensory perception. She had to keep blinking her eyes and remind herself to keep alert. She had so much to do, but all she wanted to do was crawl back into bed and forget that she had just lost the most influential person her life. It was so hard to get the image of that pale white face, smiling at her and telling her never to forget anything. Lord, she had too much to forget.Toby climbs off the bed. " I already talked to Leo. He said to offer you his condolences and take as long as you need coming back to Washington. He really doesn't think you're slacking or abusing your privileges, CJ.""I know. Okay, I better give Donnie a call, then find some kind of mall around here." CJ exhales.Toby comes and takes her hands in his. "Breath for me, will ya, sweetheart? It's going to be okay.""I know it will be." CJ smiles and releases Toby's hand. " Would you mind coming shopping with me later? I don't intend to take very long, I just need something to wear. I'd like to stop by Donnie's, as well."It was typical of her to jump right into action, Toby thinks. He wants her to relax and take time to absorb everything, but he knows he can't change her nature. " Okay, we can do all that. Any excuse to see you try on dresses." He smiles widely.CJ gives Toby a " don't you dare" look. " Toby, I'm not in the mood, okay?"Toby looks taken aback. " I was just trying to make you smile."CJ relaxes. " I know, and I appreciate it. But, today isn't a day for smiling."
> 
> * * *
> 
> It had been a busy day for CJ and Toby. They had stopped at Donnie's to work on the funeral and legal arrangements. There hadn't been much sentimental reflection, just business-like goal-setting. CJ and her two brothers had sat in silence, going through the motions, calling the people they needed to. There had been no light-hearted humour which usually accompanied their reunions. The whole day had seemed surreal.
> 
> After the arrangements, Toby and CJ had stopped off at the local mall to get a couple of respectable outfits to wear to the wake and service.When they got back to the suite, CJ took a quick bath and jumped right into bed.She was silent as Toby wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. "Tired?" He whispers into her ear, wanting to take the sadness, fear and stress out of the day for her. His hands come around to caress her stomach.CJ turns around and seeks out Toby's face with hers, wanting to feel the newly familiar feel of his prickly beard on her cheek. " Yes, very." She sighs.Toby slides his hands down to her hips. " Want to talk?""No. It's been a long day, Toby.""I just thought you might want to talk about..."CJ cuts him off. "No. I'm okay, Toby. Really. I'm starting to feel a lot better. Now please, I am so tired." She shuts her heavy eyes and gives into her senses.Toby's voice lowers. "Okay. Sweet dreams, my love."CJ opens her eyes again. " Toby, please stop smoking." She had no idea where the request had come from, just something about death and Toby's habit had made her think of her concern.Toby tilts his head to look at CJ. "I haven't had a cigarette in over two weeks. I am quitting, baby."CJ rests her head back on Toby's chest. "Okay, I was just checking. It's important to me, now more than ever. I can't lose another man I love." She was so sincere it was heart wrenching.Toby's heart jumps. His eyes twinkle in the darkness and he can't contain his smile. " You love me?"CJ blinks. " Of course, Pokey. Have I never told you that?" Toby shakes his head. " I've told you, but you've never told me. And don't worry, I'm not going anywhere, I promise."CJ nods, content. "Toby, I get a sense that I'm not really myself right now-like I'm being dictated by an alternate freakish CJ. Just make sure I don't do something stupid. Look out for me and keep me grounded, okay? I need this. I need you.""Okay, as long as you know that it's okay to be emotional. It's okay to mourn and grieve. You don't always have to be strong.""I know. It's just hard to let down your defences sometimes. When you do, you get hurt. Toby, I was going to find Daddy a nursing home in Washington. I was going to take care of him like I should have been doing before. I tried to make things better, but I was too late. That's why I told you I love you. I didn't want to wait until it's too late.""It's never too late. And don't be afraid to put down your ground. Because sometimes you're your strongest when you're undefended." Toby smiles. " I love you so much. Never feel guilty or regretful for caring about someone. I know that it isn't fair that this had to happen, but you can't be bitter."CJ nods. "I'm trying my hardest not be. But sometimes fate has a really sick sense of humour. Toby, I feel like people are going to start to question why you're here. They're going to wonder why you care so much about me. I, I think we're going to have to explain this to Leo. "Toby tried to imagine how Leo would react. Probably his first reaction to hearing that he and CJ were a couple would be shock, then Leo would consider the consequences from a PR/campaign standpoint. Then, maybe eventually he could give it up and be happy for them. " I agree. We'll talk to Leo."CJ pauses for a few minutes. " The real problem will be telling the President."Toby smiles, knowingly. "He's got his eyes on me. I think he'd be happy for us, as long as I don't screw up and get you mad. If I ever did anything to hurt you, I'd have to relocate to an non- American supported country and hope that he doesn't track me down and have me imprisoned...or worse."CJ laughs softly, thinking about how ridiculous but true that notion was. " Nah, I think he'd just have you lynched at the alter." She smiles. " He told me that underneath your `gruff' exterior you're a good man... I think I'd like to see that side of you."Toby smiles, glad CJ had lost some of the tension that plagued her face and features. " Hey, I thought I always showed you that side of me. Ever since you told me that you like your men `sunny side up', I've been trying my hardest to be good and nice."CJ shakes her head affectionately at Toby, wrapping her arms tighter around Toby, loving that he could make her laugh even in the worst of circumstances. She calms down and whispers seriously. " I don't know what I'd ever do without you. I love you."Toby, too, relaxes. " And I love you, Claudia Jean." Toby breathes in the deep, damp, scent off CJ's neck, revelling in the warmth of her.CJ sighs, finally letting herself experience the emotions that those simple words evoked. She was utterly moved and she suddenly knew that this was love, and more importantly, that it was fate. They would have tons of challenges to face together in the near future, but they could get through it because they were them.Part 8The next morning Toby awoke peacefully. He had the sensation of having a good, sound sleep. Then it hits him like it had every morning for the last two weeks: I'm waking up to her. The women I love... Toby doesn't open his eyes and just reaches out to pull her close, wondering why she wasn't in his arms. He opens his eyes when he can't feel her body."CJ? Baby, where are you?" He props himself up on his elbows and turns to the side to see the bathroom light on. He relaxes, settling back into bed. She was just going to the bathroom.Just then, he hears the disgusting sound of vomiting. Toby practically launches himself off the bed, rushing to the bathroom door. "CJ? Honey, you alright?" He knocks rapidly on the door."Go away!" She mumbles as the toilet flushes.Toby slowly opens the door and pokes his head inside. When he sees CJ crumpled over the commode, he immediately rushes to her side, rubbing her back. " What's the matter? Are you okay?"Closing her eyes, CJ nods. " Yes, I'm fine, Toby. I was just sick, that's all."Toby shakes his head, standing up. He retrieves a washcloth from the sink and begins to soak it in warm water. " Are you feeling alright? Are you getting sick?" He walks back over to CJ and sits back down beside her, dabbing the cloth on her forehead and cheeks.CJ shrugs, still looking quite pale. " No. I think it was all the excitement of the last couple of days. I'll be fine.""You look a little flushed, are you sure you're not coming down with something?" Toby asks, concernedly."No. I'm fine. Look, I just need to get up and get ready. We have to go and clear out Daddy's room today." She stands up but it is apparent she's a little uneasy on her feet."Whoa." Toby grabs her elbow and leads her out of the room. " Just slow down, sweetheart. We've got all day. Come lie down and I'll get you some water and crackers.""My two favourite things." CJ replies sarcastically as Toby helps her back into bed."CJ," Toby sits down in front of CJ as he tucks her back in. "just take some time and relax. I'll order us some breakfast and then you can go get ready if you're feeling up to it.""I have to call work and tell Leo that we won't be home until Wednesday, and the President about the funeral arrangements ." She sighs, feeling out the pillow behind her with the back of her head.Toby sighs. "And you will do that. But right now, take a minute and just sit still. It could do you a world of good.""I'm fine, Toby. And there are just some things that can't wait. Time to get up and start another day. Are you not the least concerned about the President and everyone else in the West Wing that have to fill in for us? Poor Josh must be just spinning having to pick up our slack."Toby smiles. " I know. He has a meeting about this important new bill today. For some reason I got the impression that it hit him personally. I guess we'll find out what it was about and whether or not it'll be on the President's desk any time soon." For the first time in a day or so, Toby had thought about work. He thought about all the appointments his secretary would have had to cancel, how the administration would function without a Communications Director and Press Secretary for five days, and all the fresh scholars he was supposed to interview to be his deputy. It was times like these when he really missed having Sam around, although, Toby would never admit it. "But don't worry, we'll be back soon enough. We have competent assistants and little devices called pagers and cell phones that we can be contacted through."CJ nods. She just wished she could live through the next 72 hours and get back to work. Her job may be overly stressful, but at least it was a break from the mixed-up reality she was faced to deal with now.
> 
> * * *
> 
> When CJ knocked on her father's old room, Donnie answered and immediately let her and Toby in. CJ looks around the familiar room as she walks in and smiles when she spots her eldest brother sorting through her father's chest of drawers, obviously having begun the gruelling process of cleaning out Tal's room.
> 
> Arthur Cregg turns around. "CJ! Glad you could make it." He exclaims, obviously happy to see her. Art was the tallest of the three, by far, and thinner than his brother. He also had a more serious and sophisticated-looking face. "Pull up a seat there, Toby." Art suggests. He still wasn't clear on his sister's relationship with this "friend" she had brought along, but he was being civil.CJ and Toby walk further into the room."Toby, why don't you help us out here, and CJ, you can go help Hogan with the bathroom, alright?" Donnie hands CJ a box.CJ nods. " Okay. You'll be alright here for a while?" She turns to Toby who has already begun to examine various belongs spread out across the bed.Toby nods. " Yeah."Art stands up. "Want to tackle the closet, Toby?"CJ smiles as she takes her box and opens the bathroom door, leaving the men behind to deal with the main room."Hi, sweetheart." CJ greets her niece as she walks into the bathroom.Hogan turns around and smiles at CJ. "Hi, Aunt CJ."CJ laughs, spotting her father's cat crawling in the cupboard Hogan was cleaning out. " What is Archimedes doing in there?"Hogan smiles. "He hates to be alone, and those guys won't pay her any attention." Hogan flips her long blond hair over her shoulder and grabs the cat and removes him from the cupboard.CJ grabs a spot on the floor beside Hogan, trying her hardest to tuck her knees into her lap so she doesn't get squished in the small confinement. She starts to stroke the cat in Hogan's lap. "So, how's school going?"Hogan shrugs, letting the cat climb out of her lap. " It's going well. I'm thoroughly enjoying it.""I'm glad. You must be almost finished this year. You still majoring in journalism?"Hogan smiles proudly. " With an unofficial minor in Political Science at your request. But, they don't make you choose your major yet, so, it could change.""And it's alright if it does, you're still very young. So," CJ clasps her hands on her knees. "what are we doing here?""Well, we're basically keeping anything that could be of use, and pitching every else, like shaving cream and toilet paper." She giggles.CJ smiles affectionately. "Okay, I think I can make the distinction." CJ begins sorting through things in the cupboard.After a moment, Hogan turns to CJ. "So, my dad said that guy out there is your boyfriend. Is that true, Aunt CJ?" Hogan smiles widely and mischievously.CJ's eyes are warning. " That would be Mr. Ziegler to you, not that guy, and it's none of you or your father's business."Hogan look slightly hurt. " Oh, come on, CJ. I'm not a little kid. I'm nearly 18 years- old, can't you just tell me the truth?"CJ looks uncertainly at her niece, then she remembers all the time over the years that they had engaged in girly chit-chat. It was true that Hogan was the daughter she never had. She smiles. " Fine, but you've got to promise not to tell your father or uncle or they'll grill him like he's never seen. Toby and I are...a couple."Hogan smiles her mischievous grin again."What, what's so funny?" CJ asks with a short laugh." You guys are having sex, aren't you?" Hogan can't contain her childish smile.CJ's face drops. " I beg your pardon, young lady, but what kind of question is that?""A perfectly acceptable one under the circumstances. With Grandpa not around to enforce the rules on you, someone has to, and it might as well be me considering you don't want Dad or Uncle Donnie to find out. So, spill, sweetheart."Her niece's clever, if not wise-ass, remark made CJ smile. Hogan had inherited her spirit from her grandmother, CJ noted. " You expect me to listen to a 17 year-old college freshman? You're going to set rules for me, regarding who I'm aloud to date and whether or not I can have sex?"Hogan nodded affirmatively. " Yes."CJ shakes her head affectionately. " Oh, darling, we don't see enough each other.""Okay, no rules. You're a grown women. But, you've got to give me the details. Who is Toby, and what's your relationship like?" She finally goes back to sorting through the toiletries.CJ no longer saw a teenager trying to be funny, but a young woman who was interested in learning more about adult relationships. Too bad what she and Toby did couldn't exactly be considered adult. She sighs. "Well, we've known each other since about when you were born- maybe before. And, we've only been going out for a little while. He's President Bartlet's Communications Director. We haven't told anyone at the Whitehouse about our relationship, so you've got to promise not to let anything I tell you slip, okay? This is very serious."Hogan nods. " Of course, Aunt CJ. I'm not stupid. I'm not going to go blab or anything. I'm just...interested. You rarely ever let us meet anyone you go out with. Is Toby...different?" She almost seemed slightly embarrassed asking the question, but CJ was the only real female influence she had, and she was greatly interested in her life."Yes..." CJ declares after a moment's thought. She hadn't exactly wanted the young girl to know too much about her secret affair with Toby, but she suddenly realizes that it's more important that she try to be as honest as she could be with her niece. After all, they were family. "Yes, he is much different. He, he makes me feel.. Special. He's romantic but not overly. He's....God, he's perfect for me."Hogan shrugs. " And I guess he's kinda cute in that totally-the- opposite-of- Brad Pitt- way. I mean, if that's what you go for." She smiles to say she was joking."Hey, I'm not out to get your approval." Suddenly it occurred to CJ that that was a lie. Her family's approval of the man she loved was very important.Hogan looks at the floor. "Is he good to you?" She practically blushes.CJ smiles, glad the awkwardness was over. " Yes, honey. You don't have to worry about me."Hogan still looks at the floor. " I have a boyfriend." She states emotionlessly.CJ smiles, finding it hard to believe that her little girl was in a relationship. But, there was something in the girl's voice when she had said that that worried CJ. " Yes, and is he good to you?"Hogan casually clears her throat. " Yes, yes of course."CJ watched her carefully. " Hogan, want to talk about it?"Hogan shakes her head. " Nah, it's typical new relationship stuff. It's fine.""Are you sure? I'm always here to talk, you know that. You don't have to be embarrassed."Hogan nods. " Yeah, I know. Look, we better get back to work."CJ nods, turning her attention back to the cupboard and the garbage bag that had found its way into her hands."So... Toby's the one?" Hogan was back to her usual self.CJ smiles at her niece, thinking just how cute she was. " I'd like to think so, but there's no guarantee.""Sure, but does he love you?"CJ thinks a moment, picturing Toby in there packing up her father's pajamas or something. " Unconditionally."Hogan shrugs. " Then you've found the one."CJ nods, in a bit of a trance. Her niece was right. It was that simple. "Okay, just don't tell anyone, alright. This is our little secret."
> 
> * * *
> 
> "Here, CJ, I found something that might interest you." Donnie groaned as he backs out of the small closet and hands CJ a dark velvet jewellery case.
> 
> CJ gets off her place on the bed and takes the case from Donnie, ever so slowly opening it. When she discovers what's inside, she smiles and has to cover her mouth with two fingers to prevent her lips from quivering. "It's, it's Mommy's engagement ring." She states, a single tear falling from her eye lash at the thought of how much her father had loved her mother. They had had such a good relationship, so loving, so attentive. Just like the kind of relationship she had with Toby."You ought to keep that around, in case it ever comes in handy." Art suggests, wrapping his arm around his daughter as he sits on the couch.CJ nods.Toby, leaning against the wall opposite the wall the bed was against, smiles at CJ, glad she had something so solid to remember her mother and father by."What's going to happen to Archimedes now?" Hogan asks, stroking the feline in her arms."Why don't you take him home with you?" Donnie suggests, going back into the closet to retrieve the last of Tal's possessions. Most everything was packed away already, and everyone was tired."We can't. Grover would go nuts." Art looks regretfully at his daughter, who looks pained.Hogan's eyes light up. " I can take him to the dorm with me." She exclaims hopefully.Art shakes his head. " You're not aloud animals in your room.""Well, I certainly don't have time to watch over a cat. Why don't you take him, CJ?" Donnie's voice is muffled as he is really talking to the back of an empty closet.CJ looks at Toby, sitting against the wall, relaxed, and watching her. " I, I don't have an apartment, yet. I wouldn't be able to put him anywhere.""Well, we can't just hand Grandpa's cat over to the Humane Society." Hogan states desperately.Toby shrugs, holding CJ's gaze. " Why can't you keep him at my place until you find your own place? Lots of people in my building have pets."CJ looks at Toby seriously. " You would let me bring my father's smelly old cat to your apartment?"Toby cracks a smile. " Of course. I let you come over, don't I?" It was Toby's way of saying he wanted her to keep her father's cat and make it their own.So, CJ tolerated his comment. " Watch it, Buster, or you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight." She had said too much. She clears her  
> throat."Well, I'm famished. Why don't we go to one of our old hangouts and grab a bite to eat before we turn in for the day?" Art suggests, standing up off the couch.Donnie slowly comes out of the closet. " Look what I found." He says softly, holding up a leather-bound notebook.CJ's eyes widen as she recognizes the warn cover. " That's Daddy's book! Well, the one he was writing."Art comes over to stand beside Donnie and looks at the lost treasure. " Wow, that's incredible. I thought he had scrapped this. Numerical Idiocy. Ha, that's brilliant.""It looks like he finished it." Donnie says, flipping through the pages as Toby and CJ come closer to get a look at the book." If it's finished, why don't you publish it for him?" Hogan asks, gathering into the circle, as well.Everyone looks at her as if she's crazy."It's not that easy to just have something published, Hogan." Toby states to explain to her why her idea wouldn't work.Then Art turns serious. " Hold on, maybe she's got a good idea. There's no reason we can't, right?""But..." CJ begins to protest."Come on, why not? It'd be a way to...preserve his legacy. He was a great man, and he worked hard on this. He should be able to share his ideas with others. And as a professor, I can tell that you both teachers and students would benefit from this book." Art seemed genuinely determined. " I know someone who might be willing to help me. Would you guys go for it?" He looks to his sister and brother.Donnie shrugs. "It's worth a shot. For Dad's sake.""Yeah, for Dad's sake." Art says triumphantly.Toby can't help but smile. This was the most incredible family he had ever met, and he had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time he'd get to see them all.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 9
> 
> "So, do you think your brothers are warming up to me at all?" Toby asks CJ the next morning. It was Monday and Toby and CJ were spending a lazy morning in bed. After the events of the last couple of days, CJ had let herself stay in bed a little longer, so she could lie in Toby's arms and not have to rush as per usual.CJ smiles, turning in Toby's arms and bringing her face close to his. " I think you've won them over, yes."Toby shrugs. " I don't know. I just get the feeling that they don't like me- like I'm intruding."CJ smiles affectionately. " They're just being protective of me. You won Daddy over, and that's the important thing. Donnie and Art will follow. No worries." She runs her fingers down Toby's cheek, feeling like she's ignored him the last couple of days. For once she was starting to forget about the pain and focusing on moving on and being happy.Toby smiles, relieved. "You seem much more relaxed today.""I am. We've got a little time before we have to get ready for the wake. What time did the President say he was going to arrive?"Toby smiles, impressed that CJ was finally forgiving herself for not being with her father more often and that she was starting to see the light in the darkness. "He'll be here around quarter to three."CJ nods. After a moment of resting her head comfortably against Toby's chest, she starts to feel nauseous and has to sit up.Toby watches her, sitting up, as well. "You okay, honey?"CJ nods, covering her mouth, slightly. " I'll be right back." She states quickly before jumping out of bed and rushing to the bathroom.Toby sighs at the sound of the door shutting. He wishes there was something he could do. But she hated being intruded upon, so he waited until she came out.CJ walks slowly back to the bed a few minutes later, slightly embarrassed. She had no idea why her stomach was acting like this. "I'm sorry." She says, climbing back into bed, but not cuddling into Toby this time.Toby, regardless of CJ's hesitation, wraps his arms around her and sits up to face her. " Are you okay? Are you sure you're not coming down with something?""No. I don't know. Maybe there's something in the water here. I'll be fine. Really."Toby agrees, guiding CJ to lie beneath him as he aligns their mouths for a kiss.CJ begins to giggle before Toby starts to kiss her.Toby lifts his head up, surprised. " What, what's so funny?""Toby, I just vomited. Are you sure you want to kiss me?" CJ can't contain her smile. Toby would probably kiss her regardless of what she had in her mouth or on her lips.Now Toby smiles. " Well, as long as you promise not to puke when I kiss you, I think we're safe."CJ smiles, but then their gazes lock and her smile drops as Toby once again tries to kiss her, this time succeeding.They are interrupted when Archimedes, the cat, climbs onto the bed and starts to crawl over Toby's back.CJ bursts into laughter at the look on Toby's face when he discovered the cat was walking all over him."We had to offer to take the cat, didn't we?" Toby sighs and shifts to lie on the bed beside CJ. Archimedes once again crawls over Toby, but this time he settles in the small spot between CJ's shoulders and Toby's shoulders.CJ smiles, turning on her side to stroke the cat who was starting to get very comfortable and sleepy. " It's a good thing you're a very influential person or we wouldn't be allowed to keep Archimedes in our room.""Yeah, dumb cat..." Toby mumbles, but then undermines himself by smiling and petting the cat, as well. " You know," He turns to face CJ. "this is the first morning where we've actually been able to spend more than ten minutes in bed together."CJ smiles her agreement. " I know, it's nice.""I don't want it to end, CJ. I want you to move in with me... permanently."CJ turns to Toby. " I don't think I can do that."Toby shifts closer to CJ. "Please, CJ. I hate this feeling of missing you. Of not getting enough time with you. I hate having to sneak around. I just want to tell everybody at work so we can be together without having to worry. I, I don't want you to leave in the morning.""Toby, we can tell everyone at work, but that won't solve our problem. As soon as we go public, we're going to have reporters following us constantly. We have to try our best to make this seem normal and wholesome. If anyone sees us go home together like we'd like to, they're going to assume we're having an affair. We have to handle this properly or it'll hurt the President more than it'll hurt us. And, I really don't want to have to resign right now.""Honey, we're not going to have to resign because we fell in love. We can try to have a normal relationship."CJ sighs. " We're not normal people, Toby. Look, we can go about this a hundred times and nothing's going to change.""But I want it to change. I don't want to feel guilty lying to our friends and the President. I don't want them to think I'm anything less than committed to you. I, I want to be able to wake up to you every morning without wondering how we're going to sneak away from each other without being seen. This weekend has been great in a way that we could really be a couple, ya know?"CJ sighs, knowing that she wanted exactly what Toby wanted."Please, just, just don't go looking for a new apartment. If, if you move, I'll never get to see Archimedes."CJ has to laugh. " Right, and since when has that been important to you?""It is important. Don't leave me.""Toby, they're going to start to get suspicious soon knowing that I haven't found an apartment."Toby shrugs. " So? Let them talk. Who cares? We'll be happy. I do make you happy, don't I?"CJ takes in a deep breath. "Yes, Toby. But it matters a great deal how we're perceived. We're in a job of public service. They're the only thing that matters." She says almost regretfully. She couldn't take this. She couldn't make Toby understand, and maybe he didn't need to. Maybe it was just her being a Press Secretary. But she knew there was going to be countless problems for them to overcome in the future.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby was just walking around the suite, cleaning up various things. He was all dressed and ready for the wake and just waiting for the President to arrive and CJ to finish getting ready. 
> 
> As if on cue , there is a knock on the door. Toby makes his way from the kitchen to answer the door. When he answers the door, Toby expects to see the President and First Lady, but he's standing face to with Josh."Hi." Toby greets as Josh, Donna, Leo, and finally the President and Mrs. Bartlet, file into the room when he opens the door for themJosh is wearing a goofy smile, knowing that Toby and CJ hadn't expected them all to come."Good afternoon, Toby. How's CJ?" The President asks cordially."She's, uh, fine. She's finishing getting ready. Can I get anyone a drink?"Abbey smiles as she shifts the bouquet of flowers she (and almost everyone else in the room) held. "No, thanks, Toby. We were well stocked on Air Force One."Donna proceeds to examine the room. " Wow, this is a great suite. Is it yours or CJ's?"Toby clears his throat, moving into the kitchenette. "It's actually both of ours."Donna's eyebrows raise."Uh, I could use a drink, Toby." Josh says to clear the awkward air."Okay. What would you like?" Toby asks from the kitchenette."Just a soda." Josh concludes, shoving his free hand into his pocket."Can you grab me my purse, honey?" CJ calls as she steps out of the bathroom. She stops short when she notices the half-dozen faces looking at her. She smiles awkwardly. " Hi, everyone.""Hiya CJ." Leo wasn't the only one that picked up on what CJ had called out. If that "honey" hadn't been directed at Toby, who was it for?"Uh, look who all came to support you." Toby laughs nervously as he comes into the room and hands Josh a can of soda."I can see that. It's good to see you all again." CJ steps back into he normal self as she collects herself.The President walks over to CJ. " They all insisted upon coming. There was no talking them out of it. We're all here for you, honey."CJ looks from Jed to the rest of the gang. "Well, I appreciate it, sir. Thank you"Josh shrugs. " I just wanted a vacation, and Donna had nothing better to do."Donna elbows Josh in the ribs and he groans. "Here, these are for you." Donna walks over to CJ and hands her a bouquet of flowers.CJ smiles warmly. "Thank you, Donna. They're beautiful. I wish I had a vase to put them in."Leo takes a step away from the door. " Carol wanted to come, but she had to babysit for a friend tonight."CJ nods, still inspecting the flowers."Okay, we better get going if we're going to make it to the wake on time." Toby states."Alright, we've got a couple of limos waiting outside." Leo nods his head."We're in Dayton, Ohio, and we have a couple of limos waiting outside?" Toby asks in disbelief as he, Josh, Donna and Mrs. Bartlet exit the room."Hold on a second, CJ." The President says as CJ grabs her purse off the bed and is about to follow the crowd out of the door.CJ turns around. "Yes, sir?"Jed clears his throat and retrieves a small rectangular piece of paper from his jacket pocket. " I've got something for you. Here, just a little something from Abbey and I to help the Alzheimers' Association."CJ takes the cheque from Jed and examines it carefully, noticing that it's not the typical Presidential cheques he usually used, but a common cheque from ` Dr. and Mrs. Josiah Bartlet.' CJ looks up to the President in pure disbelief after reading the written figure. " Oh, sir, I'm sorry, but I can't accept this.""Why not?" Jed asks honestly."Be, because, it's, it's too much." CJ protests, still not believing that the President would do such a nice thing like this."I happen to be a very wealthy man, in case you hadn't known." Jed winks, resting his hands in his pocket.CJ takes in a deep breath. "I, I really appreciate this, sir. But, but why did you do it?" Jed shrugs. " Well, I didn't get you flowers.""Really?""Honest. You know how hard it is for a President to get decent service at a flower shop? I swear, I don't know how Abbey got some. " He laughs softly. " I wanted to do something nice for you, and that organization could use the money a lot more than I can."CJ sighs, happily. " Thank you, sir." She didn't think she had ever done it before, but she reached out and pulled the President into a hug. "Thank you, for everything."Toby pokes his head back in the door. "You guys coming?" He asks, as he notices the President and CJ in an embrace.CJ lets go of Jed and he smiles. " We best be leaving now."CJ nods as Jed walks out the door past Toby.Then Toby steps back outside and CJ follows him out."What was all that about?" Toby asks, taking CJ's hand as they walk down the hall."The President gave me a very large cheque to give to the Alzheimers Association." CJ smiles, thinking about how nice it was to have all her co-workers here to support her.
> 
> * * *
> 
> The night was dragging on and on. Toby and the rest of the gang were gathered in the corner of the room by the entrance, some of them sitting on a couch against a wall. The President, Josh, and Donna were seated on the couch, Abbey was resting against an arm of the couch, and Leo and Toby were standing against the wall. From where Toby stood, he could watch CJ standing up at the back of the room beside the coffin, greeting all the well-wishers, along with her brothers.
> 
> Hogan starts to make her way from the back of the room where everybody was gathered, to the front of the room where Toby stood with a small group of people she didn't recognize. She approaches the group and gets the feeling that everybody's looking at her. "Hi, Toby." She says softly. She had just wanted to get away from the depression at the back of the room, but the group of people in front of her looked just as depressed."Hey, kiddo. How's it going?" Toby says nonchalantly, getting the feeling that Hogan was uncomfortable."Fine, fine. Everybody's getting pretty tired though, especially CJ." She replies, glad Toby was talking to her."How do you know CJ?" Josh asks conversationally.Hogan licks her lips and adjusts the collar on her blouse. " She's my aunt."Josh smiles, leaning forward from his position on the couch. " Then you must be Hogan. I'm Josh Lyman. I work with your aunt.""It's nice to meet you. Do you all... work at the Whitehouse?" Hogan asks carefully, smoothing a wrinkle in her green skirt.Abbey smiles. "All except me. Well, technically..."Hogan's eyes dilate. " You're, you're... Dr. Bartlet." She states, looking at Abbey in surprise. Her eyes eventually drift over to the President. "Oh, oh my." She can't manage any more.Toby's smiling as Jed stands up and offers the young girl his hand. " Jed Bartlet, President of just about everything in this country. Actually, I am President of this country. It's nice to meet you, Hogan"Hogan nervously shakes his hand, still in compete shock. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. President." She manages to get out."You don't have to call him `Mr. President' when he's on personal business, Hogan." Toby smiles, thinking how it cute it was that the young girl could get just as flustered as her aunt.Jed rolls his eyes. " Now, Toby, the young lady can call me whatever she likes. But, just since your CJ's niece, why don't you stick to Mr. Bartlet?"Hogan nods obediently. "Thank you, sir."Toby pushes himself up off the wall. " While we're doing introductions, Leo McGarrey, Chief of Staff and all around bad guy, to my right. Josh Lyman you've already met. He's Deputy Chief of Staff, although he doesn't often act like it. His assistant, Donna beside him. And, Mrs. Bartlet speaks for herself. She is a woman who needs no introduction. Everybody else ,in case you haven't already picked up on it, this is Hogan Cregg, our dear CJ's niece."Everybody seems to be smiling at Toby's heartfelt introductions."So," Josh begins. "You must be like 15 or 16 now, right?""Going on 18." Hogan replies courteously."Oh." Josh's face falls. "So, you in high school now? Are you on the debate team? If you're not on the debate team, you should be, believe me. It's a good club to get involved with." He really was only trying to make conversation."Actually, Hogan goes to George Washington. She's studying journalism and poli-sci." Toby smiles at the girl, hoping to remove some of the awkwardness.No one else could imagine how Toby knew that fact, but then again he had been here for a few days and probably talked to Hogan a couple of times."Oh, so maybe we'll see you around the Whitehouse one day, too." Donna offers.Hogan nods. " That would be a long-term goal of mine."Leo shifts from his position on the wall. "Well, maybe not that long- term. We have internship programs you could probably get involved in. Talk to CJ about it if you're interested."Hogan nods, still obviously uncomfortable.Toby lets out a breath. "Okay, you want to go check on CJ with me?" He looks to Hogan who immediately nods."It was very nice meeting you all." She says as she and Toby begin to depart from the crowd.Once they're out of earshot, Hogan's nervousness subsides. "Wow! I knew you guys knew the President, but is he really here for Grandpa's funeral?" She asks excitedly.Toby smiles. " Yeah. Pretty nice, huh? He seemed to like you.""I was a total idiot. I could barely even talk. I feel like I was star struck." She laughs as she approaches the mourners.Toby shakes his head. " You were fine. Believe me, we've seen plenty worse. Let's put it this way, at least you're still conscious and not lying on the floor in shock."Hogan giggles as they make their way past the line up of people waiting to speak to CJ and her brothers and offer them their condolences.Toby manages to catch CJ's eye from a few feet away. He leads Hogan toward CJ, who at the moment, doesn't have someone talking to her. "Hey, how are you?" Toby asks, touching her shoulder.CJ sighs softly. " I'm fine. This is just getting to be too much. I wish everybody would just leave." And she meant it. Earlier she had thought that for once she was starting to feel better. But meeting all of her father's family and old friends who liked to talk about the `good old days' just saddened her more. She felt emotionally strained, something she was getting used to more and more these days.Toby smiles comfortingly."How you doin', sweetheart?" CJ asks Hogan.Hogan shrugs. "Fine, I suppose. I met the President, which may not seem like much to you, but it is to me. I met the President!"CJ smiles proudly, watching the excitement on her niece's face. "And you might be able to see more of him in the future. Now, I should probably take Art and Donnie over to introduce them to the work gang. Okay, I think I'm going to go find the Ladies Room and when I come back hopefully there won't be a line up and I can make the introductions and then we'll be able to go back to the hotel.""Wow, you're pretty tired, aren't you?" Hogan asks concernedly."Yes, very." CJ replies. "Now, I'll be right back." She excuses herself.Toby puts his hands in his pockets and looks at the coffin. "I bet you'll miss him." He says for the sake of talking.Hogan nods, looking at the coffin, as well. " It doesn't look like him. I hate looking at dead bodies. They never look like the person." She almost seemed upset.Toby looks at her concernedly. " You okay?""Yeah, I just want to get out of here, as well." She turns away from staring at her grandfather."Well, it won't be long." Toby offers, not knowing another way to comfort her.
> 
> * * *
> 
> A little while passes and CJ hasn't returned from going to the restroom, so Toby decides to go and find her. Someone working at the funeral home directs him down the stairs to the restrooms. Toby sits on a couch near the restrooms and waits patiently for CJ. He stares around the beige-coloured, well-kept room. Another couple of minutes pass and she emerges from the Ladies Room. 
> 
> "Hey." Toby stands up when CJ comes nearer."Hey, what are you doing here?" CJ asks.Toby shrugs. "You've been down here a long time, I was worried. Everything okay?"CJ nods and sighs. " I just feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment.""Just take a moment and relax." Toby steps forward and takes CJ by the elbow and guides her to sit on the couch. He sits beside her. "How about a foot massage?"CJ leans her head back and smiles. "Oh, Toby, not now. I have to..."But Toby has already begun to remove her high heel .He pushes up the cuff of her slacks and begins to slowly rub the arch of her foot.CJ moans and leans further into the arm of the couch. "Toby, we should really wait until we get back to the hotel."Toby smiles, carefully pressing his thumb into CJ's swollen flesh. "We're not doing anything wrong."Just as CJ is about to relax and enjoy the attention, footfalls on the staircase catch her attention. Josh and Donna are casually coming down the stairs.Josh smiles when he sees the two on the couch. " Hey, guys. Good to see you're playing nice together."Donna looks very confused to see Toby rubbing CJ's feet in a funeral home. What exactly was going on between those two, and why was Josh looking so goofy?"Shut up, Josh." Toby says bitterly as Josh and Donna approach them. Deep down, he knew Josh would be the one to keep them out of trouble until they were ready to go public with their relationship.CJ pulls her foot out of Toby's grip. "My, uh, my shoes were a little tight. So, uh, who wants to go back upstairs?" She sits up straight and finds her shoe and puts it back on.Toby reluctantly stands up."Come on, I want to introduce you both to my brothers." CJ had recovered from the embarrassment by being caught, and decided to lead the group back upstairs. She motions with her hands until everybody files up the stairs.Once upstairs, CJ went and found her brothers. The crowd had died down so she could easily pry them away from the visitors. She leads them to the front of the room where the West Wingers were all sitting and standing. "Okay, I figured it was time you all met." CJ glances at her two brothers who looked as warn and beat as she did. " Alright, everybody these are my brothers Arthur and Donnie. Art, Donnie..." She takes them through the group of people and everyone shakes their hands as they are introduced. "Leo McGarrey, Chief of Staff. Joshua Lyman, Deputy Chief of Staff. His assistant, Donna Moss. Of course you all know Hogan. " She smiles at her niece. "Uh... Toby Ziegler you've obviously already met. And last but certainly not least, President Bartlet and First Lady, Dr. Abigail Bartlet."Everybody finishes up shaking hands."It's an honour, sir." Art says as he shakes the President's hand."Well, it's always a pleasure to meet CJ's family. We're all so sorry about your father. I know he was a good man."Donnie looks back toward the coffin. " Yes, he was. We appreciate you coming all the way up here."Jed smiles. " Well, anything for our CJ. Now, it is getting late and we must be going. But, we'll see you all tomorrow."Everybody exchanges goodbyes and the gang heads out but Art and Donnie stay a little longer to greet the last few guests. CJ is so glad when Toby puts his hand on her back and leads her out of the building.
> 
> * * *
> 
> CJ hadn't made it back to the hotel by herself. She had fallen asleep as soon as she got in the car, and Toby had to half-carry, half-drag her into the hotel. Eventually she started to drift back to consciousness as they entered the foyer, but she could barely stand up and keep her eyes open. In the foyer of the Main Entrance to the hotel, CJ and Toby met up with the rest of the Staffers who had also gotten rooms at the hotel. 
> 
> "We're leaving via Air Force One at around nine pm tomorrow evening. If you two would like to join us, we can arrange to have your car driven back to Washington." Leo offers as he turns to Toby and CJ.Toby nods, looking at CJ who had to lean on him to support her exhausted body. He didn't know what had tired her so quickly, but it could have been the accumulation of events of the last few days. "Okay, sounds good. I, uh, better get her upstairs." He knew everyone was staring at him supporting her. He also knew that it was uncustomary for her to be this way, and that everyone was suspicious of what was going on between himself and CJ."Okay. My room's on the same floor as yours, I'll follow you." Josh says. " Good night all." He calls back.Everyone else says good night and heads to their respective rooms. Toby, Josh and CJ head to the elevator."Ya know, Toby. Everybody's starting to catch onto you and CJ." Josh says conversationally as they wait for the elevator.Toby sighs, letting CJ rest against the wall. " I know. It's, it's not that easy to cover up. We're becoming so close and...and it's hard to pretend we're not." He clears his throat, thinking that he's confessed to much.The elevator dings and they begin to climb into the empty elevator.Josh helps Toby get a dozing CJ into the compartment. " I'm just saying, they're starting to wonder. Mrs. Bartlet pointed out earlier today that your suite had only one bed and no couch. She said that was the way it was supposed to be." Josh laughs to himself.Toby sighs again. " I know, I know. Look, I'm sorry you have to be in this situation, what with not being able to tell and all."" It is very hard to keep this a secret. But, if that's what you guys want... All I'm saying is, you shouldn't wait. I don't think anyone will not approve of you guys." Josh shrugs."I don't care whether or not they approve of us, but I would like them to accept it. It's just, even if they did approve of us, and even if we did go public, there's always going to people who will say it's wrong for two senior staffers to be having a relationship."Josh shrugs. " Don't listen to them, Toby. They have no idea what they're talking about, and they're jealous and have nothing better to do. And more importantly, isn't the look in her eyes when you tell her you love her worth all the rumours and lies the press can come up with? "Toby looked at Josh, seeing the sincerity. All he can do is nod as the lift stops and the doors open. He turns to CJ beside him. "Honey, wake up. You've got to help me out here. Come on. You can go to sleep in two minutes, I promise." Toby turns to Josh and shrugs. "It's futile." He picks CJ up, letting the top of her body fall over his shoulder.Josh laughs. "Good luck, buddy. See ya in the morning.""Yeah." Toby calls back as he moves down the hall toward his room.Toby somehow manages to support CJ and unlock the door at the same time. He shoves his shoulder into the door and it opens for him. He sighs as he walks over to the bed and gently sets CJ down, moving her up to the pillows."Okay, sweetheart. Here we are. Let's get you ready for bed." He looks around the room, wondering where she had put her pajamas. He walks over to the dresser and searches there, but can't find them. He checks her bag and the bathroom and the pajamas are nowhere to be found.Toby sighs, too tired now to keep looking. He goes back to the dresser and takes out one of his cotton button-downs. He goes back to the bed and climbs in beside CJ. He removes her suit jacket and then proceeds to undress her all the way. When she's down to her underwear and hasn't moved, he slips his shirt over her and bends down to kiss her forehead. After adjusting the blankets over her, he heads to the bathroom to get himself ready for bed.A few minutes pass and Toby returns from getting ready, throwing the clothes he had worn that day on the floor, and climbing into his side of the bed, prepared to crawl under the covers and go to sleep. But then he looks at CJ's content face and remembers something. He sighs and rolls his eyes.Toby begins to gently shake CJ's shoulder. "Honey, honey, wake up for a minute. Your contacts... you forgot to take your contacts out. CJ, honey."Eventually CJ scrunches up her face in displeasure and moans. " What?""You have to sit up a sec'. You gotta take out your contacts." Toby explains softly, rubbing her shoulder.CJ slowly sits up. "You woke me up for that?""Yes, other wise you'd wake up very uncomfortable. Now, where's your case?"CJ takes in a deep breath and has to think. "In my cosmetic bag."Toby quickly retrieves the contact lens case from her cosmetic bag in the bathroom and returns back to his spot on the bed. He hands her the case and she proceeds to take out her contacts."Can I go to sleep now?" CJ half-whines as she hands Toby the case back when she's taken the contacts out.Toby smiles, setting the case on the night stand and crawling under the covers beside her. " Yes, you can go to sleep right after you kiss me good night.""How `bout I kiss you goodbye?" CJ teases, curling into Toby and wrapping her arms around him.Toby fakes hurt. "Hey, that's not fair."CJ smiles. " You're right. I don't know how I ever function without you. You're amazing, ya know that? Carrying me upstairs when I could barely walk and remembering to get me to take my contacts out." She looks down and suddenly notices the shirt he put on her. "...Changing me into something that isn't my normal night attire."" Well, I couldn't find your pajamas. I was also going to suggest for you to wash your face and brush your teeth, but I could see how tired you were." Toby whispers playfully.CJ yawns and pulls Toby closer. " I'd love to stay up and continue this conversation, but I'm about to pass out."Toby runs his fingers through her hair. " Okay, baby, just go to sleep. I love you." And he knew it was true, and that nobody could change that. And that even if after telling everyone about their relationship, he and CJ wouldn't regret it because nothing felt better than seeing the look in her eyes while he told her he loved her.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 10
> 
> The next morning, CJ opens the door to her suite to see Donna standing in front of her, dressed in her best dark dress.CJ smiles. " Hey, I didn't expect you to be ready so soon." CJ herself was ready because she had beat Toby to the bathroom. She smiles warmly and motions for Donna to come inside.Donna shrugs and steps inside. " I was up early. Josh snores."CJ eyes her suspiciously. " Josh snores?"Donna nods. " Yeah, but only when he's tired, sick or drunk... or a combination of all three."CJ shakes her head, not understanding this. " Have a seat." She points to the arm chair resting against the wall the door was on. "Uh, I didn't know you and Josh were sharing a room.""Oh, oh we weren't..." Donna sits on the chair and places her purse in her lap. "The hotel people gave my room to someone else. I went up to the room that was supposed to be mine last night and, well, there were other people occupying it. There were no extra rooms available, so they offered to give me the night free if I could find someone to stay with." She sighs. "So, I trudged my way up to Josh's room and asked if I could stay with him. Luckily he had a couch.""Wow, well, that sucks.""What does?" Josh asks as he saunters in the open door.CJ takes a seat on the edge of the bed. " The hotel gave Donna's room to someone else and she had to stay on your couch." CJ explains their conversation.Josh puts his hand up in defence. " Hey, she didn't sleep on my couch, she slept in my bed." Josh looks from CJ to Donna.CJ grins mischievously."Hey, hey that's not what I meant!" Josh  
> defends himself after seeing CJ's smile."Good going, Josh." Donna remarks sarcastically.Josh rolls his eyes. " Unlike some people, I was a gentleman and gave Donna my bed in her time of need. I took the couch.""Good going, Josh." Toby smiles teasingly as he comes out of the bathroom, obviously having caught Josh's last explanation.Josh takes a deep breath. "At least I didn't sleep with her.""Right, because that would be bad." Toby teases, joining CJ on the bed."A queen-sized bed is made for two, Josh." CJ smiles suggestively.Donna sighs. " Can we please talk about anything else?""Where's everyone else?" Toby asks, retrieving his suit jacket and CJ's mini-jacket from a drawer."I imagine they'll be up soon. We told them to meet here, right?" Josh fold his hands together, leaning against a space on the wall beside Donna.CJ nods, accepting her jacket from Toby and placing it over her black sleeveless. " But we've got to hurry up or we'll be late. I imagine that wouldn't look too good on my part."Jed, Abbey and Leo step into the room, in a line.Jed smiles. " I don't anticipate we'll be late, seeing as we're all here now."Toby and Donna immediately rise out of their seats.CJ stands up. "Good morning ,Mr. President. I hadn't meant to be disrespectful by..."Jed smiles warmly, again. " I didn't think you were disrespectful, CJ. Now, shall we go?"Toby nods then looks at CJ. " You ready to go?"CJ takes in a deep breath and forces herself to nod. This would be the last chance she had to say goodbye to her father. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Toby sat with CJ in the first row of pews at the church, holding her hand comfortingly during the ceremony. He glances around the packed church, silently wondering how all these people had known Tal. He assumed some were his former students, maybe his former girlfriends, as well. The ceremony was beautiful and the priest was an eloquent orator. It was obvious he had known Tal quite well.Toby glances to his left and sees Donnie, totally absorbed in the eulogy the priest was giving. Toby remembered that CJ had told him that neither her or her brothers wanted to give the eulogy for fear of becoming too emotional. Well, that wasn't her brothers' excuse, but it was certainly hers. Toby turns his head to the side and sees his co-workers in a pew further back, not quite as emotional as some of the people in the first few rows. He looks to his right, and beside CJ, Hogan sat silently crying beside her father.I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memoriesThe priest drones on. " Some of you will remember Tal from his days as head of the math department at William Henry Harrison Jr. High. And a couple of you will remember his courageous fight in Korea..."Remember the good times that we had? I let them slip away from us when things got bad How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the oneCJ thought about how her father would hold her in his lap and rock her on the porch swing. She remembered when he used to help her with her homework...How he used to always show them pictures of their mother throughout various stages in her life. She remembered that whenever the date of her mother's birth came along ,her father would make them pray for her and spend the entire day accounting for all the things their mother had blessed them with. CJ could still smell the Old Spice he wore daily. She hated that she hadn't quite her job to be with him. She hated letting him die without him knowing just how much she loved and admired him....I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memoriesCJ's father had always told her never to forget the people in her life who had went out of their way to help her. Never forget anyone who cares about you. Never forget. Don't take life for granted, don't dwell on the past. Never regret, and never forget.I'm so tired but I can't sleep Standin' on the edge of something much too deep It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word We are screaming inside, but we can't be heardShe had wanted to tell him that she wanted him closer to her. She had needed him there with his guidance and support. He had needed her around to help him remember, to ease his weary mind...to make sure he ate breakfast and washed behind his ears. Nobody could understand her guilt, not unless they had been there before, so what was the use in explaining it to someone, even if she wanted to? She was damn sick and tired of all this. It was over, but it was only the beginning of the grieving process.But I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memoriesShe could vaguely hear the priest. "Talmidge Cregg will never be forgotten. He'd never want us to forget. He'd want us to move on and remember, but never dwell. He'd want us to keep on loving, like he did."I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me lightShe hadn't wanted to fall in love with Toby. She hadn't wanted to have to experience the heartache it would cause her if she lost another person she loved. But you couldn't stop loving. Her father had lived and breathed that belief, and he had set that example for his children. He had been her world when she was young, the very foundation of who she was to become-the person she is today.And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memoriesShe had to stop feeling this way. Had to stop thinking about what all the other mourners were thinking-the memories they all shared with her father and how they had touched his life and how he had touched their lives. CJ vowed she was going to stop crying and start living by the morals he had instilled in her.And I will remember you Will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by Weep not for the memories Weep not for the memoriesThe priest pauses at the podium and clears his throat. " We will now have Tal's daughter, Claudia Jean, read a poem." He gently motions for her to come up.CJ removes her hand from Toby's and steps over Donnie and out of the pew as she makes her way to the front where the coffin lie, holding in her hand a piece of paper.She takes a deep breath as she calms her nerves. She was so afraid she wouldn't make it through this without breaking down. She licks her lips and begins."When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me, I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul that is free? Miss me a little but not too long ,and not with your head bowed low. Remember the love that we once shared. Miss me-but let me go." She sucks in the stale air, searching for something to dry the tears that were plaguing her eyes and making it hard to read the poem.After a second she goes on. " For this is a journey that we all must take, and each must go alone .It's all a part of the master plan ,a step on the road home. When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know. And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds, miss me-but let me go." CJ brings her hand to cover her mouth as she quickly walks back to her seat.As soon as she is sitting, CJ breaks into tremulous sobbing. Toby gathers her into her arms, getting the feeling that everybody was watching them. He had wanted to be up there with her, although he knew that was inappropriate. He had wanted to be there and tell her that it was alright and no one expected her to be strong. He had wanted to hold her. Needless to say, neither he or CJ heard the rest of the speech the priest was giving, just the end part where he dismissed them and invited everyone to the Honour Guard arranged at the near-by cemetery.Toby led a sobbing CJ down the aisle between the pews as everyone began to file out. He had to support her under her elbows because she was starting to lose the ability to walk and compose herself. Once out of the chapel, Toby leads CJ down a hallway and then into a smaller hallway where they could be alone. He isolated her from everybody else and wrapped his arms around her while gently easing her against the wall to make her feel protected. He just held her close to him and let her cry and shake and let go of all the emotions she was experiencing, knowing she was sheltered from any spectators.CJ could not remember a time where she had felt so much and so little at the same time. It was as if suddenly her brain had just stopped all sensory sensations and she was living in a vacuum and all she could feel were hot tears stinging her face and Toby's hands gently rubbing her hips. Somewhere in the distance she could hear all the other visitors...know that they would be looking for her to come to go to the interment.Meanwhile, standing just outside the chapel, the President, First Lady, Josh, Donna and Leo stand around amongst the other visitors waiting for them to be directed to go to the cemetery."Did anyone see where CJ and Toby went?" Josh asks, thinking that he had just seen the two rush down the hall, but not sure.Abbey stares down the hallway that she too had seen CJ and Toby go down. " Yeah, I think they went that way. CJ looked pretty...unglued."Jed sighs dramatically. "Poor thing. It's not fair. But, it was a lovely service."Abbey takes in a deep breath and turns to face Jed. " How about we go see if we can find them?"Jed looks puzzled. " Why, dear?""Well, we should just go get them. We have to be going soon, and they obviously need to come. Come on, let's go. But...let's leave the detail behind. Sorry boys." She smiles at the two guards trying to blend in with the crowd beside them. One of them nods respectively.Jed shrugs likes he's been defeated. "Okay. We'll be back in a moment. Don't leave without us.""We couldn't even if we wanted to, sir." Leo says in all seriousness."Watch it, Leo." The President jokes.Abbey leads him away from the group by the arm. "Come on, dear...""So, why are we doing this, again?" Jed asks as they descend down the hallway."Because, I'm concerned about CJ, and wondering why she and Toby are so chummy." Abbey says bluntly. They come to the end of the hallway and the beginning of another one. Abbey pokes her head around the corner to see CJ pressed up against a wall with her arms around Toby and her head buried in his neck. It is obvious she is crying and he is trying to console her. Abbey gasps slightly.Jed places a hand on his wife's shoulder and they slowly make their way toward Toby and CJ.Their footfalls catch CJ's attention and she turns her tear-drenched face toward them. Her eyes immediately widen and she reddens in embarrassment."Hi, honey. We just wanted to come check on you and tell you that they want us to start leaving soon." Abbey walks closer to them.CJ looks at Toby briefly who quickly realizes that she wants him to release her given the awkward situation. He takes his hands off her mid drift and looks at Jed and Abbey."Thank you, ma'am." CJ manages, not really looking at Abbey.Jed clears his throat. " I know this is totally inappropriate and my wife will probably severely reprimand me for asking this especially under the circumstances, but, is, is there something going on between the two of you that we should know about? I mean, if there was, that would be perfectly alright. And, and don't feel that you have to give me an answer now because I know this isn't the time or place and I shouldn't even be asking this. But, if it makes any difference, I'm asking as a friend, not as President or as your employer."Abbey glares at Jed, but is secretly surprised that he had even asked the question. It was usually her who liked to meddle in people's lives.Toby looks at CJ, thinking that since Josh already knew, CJ would probably be comfortable being honest with the President. He tries to find her glance, but it's on the floor. He takes in a small breath and turns back to the President and Abbey. " We don't have a lot of time to discuss this, but, yes, there is...something. That is, CJ and I are together, and I love her very much. I hope that you will support us, and I can assure you that our personal lives will not interfere with our professional ones. But, but I do love her." CJ is now looking at Toby.Abbey is looking at CJ watching Toby. She smiles. " CJ?"CJ's eyes now never waver from Toby's. " Yes, yes. I love him, too.Jed smiles warmly. "Good. Because if you both weren't serious about each other, I just may have disapproved. Now, I think they need you to get going, CJ."Abbey clasps her hands together and smiles excitedly. " Oh, this is just too wonderful.""Abbey..." Jed warns.Abbey only has to look at the tears still on CJ's cheeks and she remembers where she is. But none of that mattered because two people she cared deeply about finally realized they care deeply about each other.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Part 11
> 
> After the funeral, there had been a small reception, and after that everyone had went their separate ways. CJ had been silent after her emotional outburst at the service, and when she and Toby had gotten back to their hotel suite, she had unhesitatingly opted to take a long nap after throwing up several times in the bathroom.But it was getting later in the evening now and they were going to be boarding the airplane soon to head back to D.C. Toby had taken the liberty of packing their things while she slept. It just seemed like she was emotionally drained. He hated crawling over his side of the bed and gently shaking her shoulder to wake her. "Honey, time to get up and get dressed and ready to leave."CJ mumbles inaudibly.Toby smiles and settles in behind her. He wraps the arm he isn't supporting himself with around her to curl around her waist and pull her back closer into his chest."Do we have to go yet?" CJ whines. "Sure going home means going back to a comfortable and welcomed routine, but it also means going back to a place where people don't want to see us together." She places a hand over Toby's arm so he wouldn't remove it right away.Toby sighs softly. " Half the battle's already won, honey. Josh knows, the President and Mrs. Bartlet know. It'll be okay. I promise I'll find a way for us to live together even if it means having to resign and be a freelance speechwriter and politician."CJ had to smile at Toby's comment. She couldn't imagine him as the starving artist type, but she guessed at one point that's what he used to be. But, she'd never let him resign, and neither would the President.At that point, Josh knocks quickly on the door and opens it, Donna filing into the room after him. Josh jumps back slightly at the sight of CJ and Toby in an intimate pose in bed together."Jeez, you guys gotta stop doing that." Josh groans and turns to face the open door.Donna just looks speechless."You gotta learn how to knock louder... and wait for someone to acknowledge the knock." Toby says in irritation, sitting up slightly.Josh turns back around to face the bed. " I'm, I'm sorry. It's just, we're kinda in a hurry. We need to leave very soon."CJ begins to sit up as well, loosening Toby's hold on her. "Okay, thanks , guys. I, I just need to get dressed. I just woke up from a nap.""Is that what you guys were doing?" Donna asks in all seriousness. She had a huge feeling she was missing something, here.Toby sighs in exasperation, sitting up completely, but hating having to let go of CJ. " No, we were not napping. We... I was waking... Where are we meeting?""In the lobby. The driver's waiting." Josh answers.CJ nods. "Okay, we'll be down there in a few minutes."Josh nods. "Alright. See ya, then." He and Donna leave, feeling kind of awkward.Once the door shuts, Toby pulls CJ back into a hug and she sighs."We've gotta be more careful." She states.Toby rolls his eyes. " We've gotta start locking our doors." He smiles. " I guess we better get ready. I left out your jeans for you to wear on the plane ride home."CJ nods. " Thanks. Okay, let's do this." She wiggles out of Toby's hold.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Donna carefully closes the door to the Press room in the plane behind her and slowly makes her way inside. CJ is sitting in one of the seats near the front of the room, bent over a pile of papers and folders, alone. "Hey," Donna calls softly.
> 
> CJ looks up and smiles softly. " Hey, what's up?"Donna shrugs, coming closer to CJ. " Are you busy?""Just reading some material Josh brought me. God, I've missed work these last couple of days. Too much personal reflection and not enough solid, hard facts to learn." She smiles at the last statement, but Donna knew it was true that CJ would rather work any day than have to deal with inner emotions. Who wouldn't?"Can it wait a minute?" Donna asks hopefully.CJ looks up again and sees that Donna obviously wants to talk. "Of course. I'm not going into the office tonight. What's on your mind?" She adjust the papers in her lap.Donna sits on the chair facing CJ in the row in front of her. " I was just wondering if there was something going on between you and Toby that I should know about. Because lately I've been sensing something, and I'm starting to feel out of the loop, because I think other people are sensing it too, but they're not saying anything. So, are you and Toby like... is there..do you... ya know?"CJ has to smile because Donna didn't feel awkward, she just couldn't get the words right. " Yes, Toby and I are together, if that's what you mean.""What? For how long? Why didn't you tell me this?" Donna looks surprised now. She had expected CJ to flatly deny everything.CJ turns defensive. " We've only been going out for about two weeks. And we didn't purposely not tell you, we didn't want to tell anyone at first. We weren't sure how far this was going to go, or how the press would react. In fact, we're still not sure how the public will react to this. We're worried that they may spin it and say that the President is getting sloppy and doesn't discipline his staff.""Well, it's none on their business, and it's not the President's job to keep his staff from having relationships." Donna says, starting to getting her head around the idea of CJ and Toby together."You're right, that's Leo's job." CJ says bitterly. "Telling him will be a whole other issue.""Who else knows?""Just the President, First Lady and Josh." CJ replies, her mind not really on the question.Donna looks slightly hurt. " You told the President before you told me?"CJ rolls her eyes slightly. "Oh, please, Donna. We told the President because it could affect him. And well, you don't want to know how Josh found out. Although if you convinced him to tell you the story I'd pay money to see the expression on his face as he told it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but we weren't ready. Believe me when I say it was nothing personal."Donna nods. " I know. I know you didn't purposely hide anything from me. It's just, I always thought we could tell each other these kinds of things.""We can, and we will continue to. But let's get one thing straight: If I'm going to dish you out the details about Toby and I' relationship, you've got to give me the play -by- play of you and Josh." She smiles widely.Donna rolls her eyes and blushes slightly. "Nothing will ever happen between Josh and I. He thinks of me as his assistant... or little sister.""He so does not look at you like a little sister, or an assistant. You're one of his most trusted friends, he cares about you so much, and you've got him wrapped around your finger without even knowing." CJ smiles warmly.Donna shakes her head defensively.CJ laughs lightly. "Come on! He looks at you like he could jump you at any minute."Donna gasps in shock at CJ's comment. " CJ!"CJ gives her an innocent shrug as a knock is heard at the door.Donna is still quite shocked so CJ yells for the caller to come in.Leo pokes his head in the door. " Hi, guys. The President wants us all in his room for a minute."Donna turns around to face Leo. "Me, too?"Leo shrugs. " Yeah, I guess so.""Come on." CJ stands up and has to pull a still surprised Donna out of her seat.They travel down the elite corridors of Air Force One until they reach the Presidential compartment. They walk into the room to see The President and Abbey sitting in seats beside the windows and Josh sitting lazily in a seat near them. Toby stands beside the door against the wall. "Ah, good to see you all again. Come on in, don't be shy." The President makes a friendly gesture for CJ, Donna and Leo to come inside.Leo and Donna both casually walk over to Josh and CJ stands beside Toby against the wall.Jed smiles and looks around the room. "You probably all can't wait to get back to your homes. You all look pretty tired...But not you, CJ. You look like you're raring to go, there."CJ smiles and notices she's still carrying the folders she had been reading. " I'm just excited to get back to reading up for my briefing tomorrow, sir.""Never a day of rest, hmm?" Jed cocks an eyebrow teasingly."Absolutely not, sir. That Press room would turn into the death of this administration if I wasn't there to control it." CJ says in modest pride.Jed shakes his head affectionately and turns to look out the window. He pauses for a momentbefore turning back to the crowd. " Would you all take a look out one of these windows? Just look outside, you can barely see a thing. It's as if nothing is going on down below us. You know, there is nothing more romantic than a plane ride at night."Toby steps forward from his position against the wall. " Except for maybe a boat ride in the dark...a candlelit dinner...red roses...Sinatra...""Think about that a lot there, Toby?" Abbey teases then turns to smile at her husband sitting across from her.Toby shrugs, then turns to look at CJ. She was so close and he wanted to reach out and take her hand in his."So is that why you like flying at night, Mr. President? I mean, because it's romantic?" Josh asks with a smile, sitting up in his seat.Jed turns to look at Abbey. " Abbey and I met on a commercial flight. It was a very late flight, and they forgot to give Abbey a pillow. So, I noticed that she was trying to go to sleep but just couldn't get to sleep because she didn't have a comfortable pillow. So, I got up out of my seat and went and offered her my pillow."Abbey smiles mischievously. " Yeah, and when you bent to kiss me I threw the pillow in your face."Jed looks confused. "Really? That's not how I remember it.""Yes, because I ended up bopping you quite hard in the nose with it and you started to swell." Abbey smiles, remembering the memory.Jed smiles coyly. " That's right. So you took me into the lavatory and put water on it. And in that very enclosed space our bodies were pushed together, and I finally did get my kiss of appreciation."CJ looks at Toby and smiles widely, indicating that she thought it was funny how the President and First Lady had met."You never told us that story before." Josh states, looking from Jed to Abbey."You should feel lucky." Leo says sarcastically."I think it's sweet." Donna smiles and blushes a little."Thank you, dear." Abbey turns toward Donna.Jed clears his throat. " You want to know the real reason why I like late night flights? It's because I can look out this window and not see people rushing around like their life depended on getting to that designated place on time. I can look outside and see nothing and therefore not have to think of anything. When we look outside at night from an airplane, it's like looking at a world on `Pause'. Nobody's thinking about getting that last member of congress to approve the new bill." He looks at Josh. " Nobody's thinking about how a new relationship will be viewed by the public." He looks toward CJ and Toby who had unconsciously made their way closer together. "Nobody's worrying. For one brief moment we can truly be in the moment. We can take the time to think about what matters to us as people, not as professionals. Maybe we're thinking about our families, or how we'd like to get home to watch that softball match. Maybe we're thinking about what it would be like to be curled up in the arms of a loved one." Jed smiles to himself. " I don't think Frank Sinatra or red roses can make you think about all that, can they, Toby?"Toby looks at the ground and smiles softly. "No, no sir. I digress. Planes, planes are romantic." He doesn't want to look up and see CJ because he's afraid he'll reach out and grab her and kiss her. It had been so hard for him these last few days. They had been able to spend so much time together, but he couldn't really get close to her for fear of it being inappropriate in her time of grieving. But thinking about looking out that still window and only wanting to hold her only made him want her more.Everybody seems silent.Jed clears his throat again. He tires easier these days. " Now, I can't remember what I wanted to discuss with all of you, but I'm sure it wasn't romantic plane rides, so you're all welcome to go back to wherever you were before and resume your previous activities."CJ turns to Toby and whispers in his ear. " Come back to the Press room with me."Toby nods and follows CJ out of the room. When they're safely inside the press room, CJ shuts the door and presses her back against it, dropping her work on the floor."He's right, you know." CJ is breathing heavily and starts speaking quickly. " The President's right. We spend too much time worrying about the future, what's going to happen tomorrow... or next week. Or, or, we dwell on things in the past that we can't change... people we would have liked to have spent more time with. We, we don't just look outside... We never get a sense of peace. Before you, I couldn't remember when I'd ever experience a real moment of piece. This weekend reiterated what I think I've always know,-that you really do love me. God, Toby, I don't know what I ever would have done without you this weekend. I wasn't myself, I hated myself, but somehow you made that okay." She steps away from the door and closer to Toby who is standing in front of the first row of seats. " These last few days have been some of the worst of my life, but we've grown even closer. I, I don't know how I can ever go to sleep without being in the same bed as you." She smiles, slightly embarrassed.Toby reaches out and takes CJ's hands in his. " We never have to spend a night apart, you know that."CJ takes in a deep breath. " I know, but it won't be easy. But it's worth it. Because the nights I spend with you are like no other, and I could never imagine going back to the way I used to be. Just crawling into your arms makes me feel so...relaxed. It'll be difficult, but we can do this, right?""Absolutely. Because I sleep so much better with you beside me, too. We, we may not always get to wake up and enjoy a nice morning in bed together like we had this weekend, but there'll be the occasional Sunday morning. And in some ways, we have an advantage that a lot of couple don't have. We work together, and even though in our case that isn't always a good thing, at least it means we can see each other all the time. I know we have to wake up early, and we don't get home until late in the evening and by then we're too tired to really want to do anything, but we still get a lot of time together. So, we can work this out." Toby rubs her hands.CJ nods, calming down. She then turns back to look into Toby's eyes. " I love you. You know that, right?"Toby smiles and huffs. " Of course. And you know that I love you and that that'll never change."CJ nods. "Good." She tilts her head and bends in for a kiss. Toby readily accepts her and after a second she is guiding him on to a seat, and after another second she is straddling him on the seat, thinking that it's been too long since they've had a really good kiss.But they are oblivious to the sound of the door opening and the President walking in. Jed stands in the frame for a minute until he finally decides this is too much for him to watch, so he clears his throat. When neither Toby nor CJ respond to throaty noises, he sighs. " Why is it I'm beginning to feel like I'm stuck on a sick pornographic film set?"That got their attention. CJ breaks off and spins around and Toby sits up. "Mr. President," CJ mumbles in pure mortification.Jed's knowing smile deceives what he is about to say. " I mean, come on, you two. This isn't `One Life To Live' or `General Hospital'. Nah, I'm just teasing. I remember what it was like to be young and in love. Just save stuff like that for your bedroom next time, and not the Presidential aircraft, agreed?"Toby relaxes, relieved the President wasn't going to fire them on the spot or something. " Yes, sir, of course. We're sorry."CJ, sensing that she ought to get out of Toby's lap, shifts herself onto the seat beside Toby. "Uh, sir, how do you know about `General Hospital' and `One Life to Live'?"Jed shrugs. " I read. Anyway, I came to tell you that you your cat got out of its carrying cart and is now roaming Air Force One by itself.""Oh my God. He hasn't gotten into trouble yet, has he?" CJ stands up."No, he hasn't. But you should probably go look for him before he gets hurt."CJ nods. "Okay, uh, how did you find out that he got loose?"Jed shifts. "One of the Secret Service Agents saw the cat running but couldn't catch it, so he came and asked me if there was supposed to be a cat on this flight, and I said I didn't know. So, I checked with Leo and he said that you were taking your father's cat home with you."CJ sighs softly. "Yeah. I'm sorry if this has caused you and sort of inconvenience. I suppose I should have asked first before bringing him on the plane.""Don't worry about it. Just go find your cat." Jed smiles warmly."Thank you, sir." And she was grateful. She was grateful for everything he did for her. He may not be perfect, but Josiah Bartlet came pretty close, and when he didn't, he could certainly make up for it.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Toby and CJ arrive back at his apartment late that night and immediately get ready for bed. As soon as she walks into Toby's bedroom, CJ begins to strip off her clothes, then jump into bed. It was just so natural now for her to think of this as her bedroom. Toby heads toward the bathroom to get ready for bed, but CJ just crawls under the covers, having already brushed her teeth and washed her face on the plane. She wraps the green sheets around her and inhales the familiarity, thinking that she was home.
> 
> Archimedes casually strolls in through the open bedroom door and climbs on top of the bed and CJ has to laugh at him. " I guess you're home now, aren't you?" She smiles, petting the feline.Toby opens the bathroom door and steps into the bedroom, smiling at CJ and her last comment. "Aren't you, too?"CJ looks up and smiles warmly and lazily at Toby, allowing herself to melt into the pillow. "Yes, I'm home. As long as you want this to be my home."Toby crawls onto his side of the bed begins to rub CJ's shoulder. "Of course I do. Now, we're both exhausted so let's just go to sleep and hope for a good day tomorrow, okay? I love you."CJ nods and curls into, pushing the cat off the bed. She wraps her arms around him and gives into the exhaustion  
> that has been plaguing her all weekend. She wasn't going to think about her father tonight, just about being home....The End


End file.
